Actaeon is a little bitch

So there’s this guy Actaeon, right?
He’s a pretty good hunter or something. Like he really likes to hunt and he thinks he’s the shit.
So he goes into the woods one day to murder some animals, along with all his trusty murderin’ hounds
And he gets lost and what does he find but Artemis the goddess of hunting and never having any sex ever.
and what’s more she is TOTALLY NUDE bathing with like a dozen other naked chicks.
So Actaeon totally forgets about hunting and he just sits down behind a bush to jerk it for a bit.
But i guess artemis is a really good huntress so she hears him jerking it? and then she goes AWWW WHAT THE FUCK ASSHOLE I’M JUST TRYING TO BE COMPLETELY NUDE AND ENTICING HERE IN THE FOREST ALL BY MYSELF
So she turns him into a deer, which on its own wouldn’t be that bad,
Except Actaeon was HUNTING DEER.
And so his dogs all show up like WOOF WOOF WOOF WHATS UP WHERE THE DEER AT
And Actaeon is like OH SHIT NO DEFINITELY NOT HERE DUDES
but they are dogs and he is a deer and none of them speak english so the wolves just eat the shit out of him and he dies.
Man artemis is kind of a bitch.

The end.

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6 thoughts on “Actaeon is a little bitch

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  3. Up until the ‘eaten by his own dogs’ bit, this myth sounds like a porno.
    Naked lady: “Naughty of you to intrude on our sacred glen. Now you have to be punished.”
    But then the punishment turns out to be an actual punishment instead of free whores.

  4. I don’t consider Artemis to be a bitch. Actaeon was peeping on her while she was taking a bath. She wasn’t trying to be enticing, and even if she was, that is no excuse for him to be jerking off in the bushes. If you were taking a bath to wash the blood of your prey/enemies off of you and some guy came and started jerking off to you being naked because NOBODY BATHES WITH CLOTHES ON, you’d be pretty pissed too. I wouldn’t have his dogs rip him apart. But he definitely wouldn’t get off with a warning.

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