Every time i try to open Youtube in any browser my browser crashes.
I will have to wait until tomorrow to upload the video
once I find someplace where the internet is not constantly being shat into by evil gnomes
I am so tired i feel like hypnos is huffing my cerebellum
I have to work a twelve hour shift that combines plumbing and foodservice in the morning
I feel like i may be in graduate school but it’s hard to tell under all this furious dripping hatred
but other than that things are pretty good
I found a quarter today
and i got to eat a lot of free pizza
whenever i see a homeless man on the street now
I think “there but for the grace of free pizza go I”
I need to go away from the computer now before my eyes come out

Thank you for your patience
Love,
Ovid

So as is probably already clear
I am taking off/have already taken off today for mother’s day
but it is not because I love my mother
no no no
it is because I love YOUR mother
yes you
all of you who are reading this
i fucked your moms

the end

(Scroll down below this to read a sweet hindu myth if you don’t give a fuck about shirts)

Okay so now is the moment you’ve all been waiting for
DO THE SHIRTS GET SCREENPRINTED OR NOT?
the answer is they do
but I gotta level with you guys
I kinda lied when I said I only needed to sell 5 more shirts to hit the 40 shirt goal
in the end people bought about 20 crossdressing shirts
but since I really really want to screenprint this shirt
i decided to count ALL shirt sales
and you guys totally bought more than 40 shirts TOTAL in the last 2 weeks
so SCREENPRINTING IS A GO
I may end up taking a slight loss on the whole thing to start with
but it’s gonna look totally sweet so it’s worth it
anyway I’m gonna be hooking up with a shop some time in the next couple days
which means the preorder offer (color of your choice + thankyou note)
will remain in effect until I actually hand the money over to the shop
once the printing begins, shirts are only going to come in two colors:
pink and light blue
probably
unless a WHOLE BUNCH OF PEOPLE start emailing me and getting mad
and wanting me to do like grey or light grey or electric blue instead of light blue
but i am not budging on the pink
and I am writing extremely legit and heartfelt thankyou notes
for everyone who already preordered
RIGHT NOW
AS I TYPE THIS I AM WRITING THEM WITH MY FEET

Alright so a couple of announcements
First of all tomorrow is the last day to preorder shirts
and I still need some magnanimous motherfuckers to buy FIVE MORE
in order to make awesome occur
so do that

second of all i fixed the mistake i made in the last post
so you all can stop FUCKING WHINING ABOUT IT NOW OK

THIRD
I am officially no longer accepting money to tell text myths
I will finish out the ones people have already paid me to do
BUT NO MORE
there are a couple reasons for this
FIRST
people keep paying me to tell really long shit
and while i understand people wrote some REALLY SWEET LONG SHIT
but i think this blog works best in text form when shit is not really long
/I am too lazy to constantly read multi-hundred page epic texts
in exchange for beer money
SECOND
there are all kinds of sweet myths people want to hear/I want to tell
that i’m never gonna get around to if I keep bathing in this vat of request money
like I wanna tell some hindu shit
and people want me to tell some hindu shit
and i don’t think it’s fair to not tell some hindu shit
just cause hindu fans are fucking poor
so feel free to keep sending me suggestions
because when I’m sitting around trying to figure out what to write they really help
and also I WILL STILL TOTALLY KEEP DOING VIDEO MYTHS FOR MONEY
and also selling shirts and whatever
because it’s not like i stopped liking money or anything
but yeah
no more money for text myths
(unless you want me to tell a short myth for someone’s birthday or anniversary
or bar mitzvah or whatever
i guess i can do that)

[all you cool people coming over here from the Huffington post article
you should definitely scroll down below this post and read some sweet myths
instead of this moneygrubbing nonsense]

So remember like a thousand or so years ago
when i said I was gonna be making THREE DIFFERENT KINDS OF SHIRTS
but then I only made two?
WELL I’VE BEEN WORKING ON THE THIRD ONE THIS WHOLE FUCKING TIME
or more accurately
my supertalented art monkey Sarah Melville (buy her book)
has been working on the third shirt this whole fucking time
BUT HERE IS THE CATCH MY FRIENDS
I really really want to screenprint this shirt
both because it will look mega sweet and because it’s easier for me
but i need to know that a bunch of people are getting the shirt before i do that
so HERE IS HOW WE ARE DOING THIS
if FORTY OR MORE PEOPLE order this shirt before April 20th
then it is going to be silk-screened
otherwise i am going to make stencils and use spraypaint like i do with the others
BUT WHAT ARE THE ADVANTAGES OF PREORDERING A SHIRT?
well first of all, here is what the stencil version will look like
as opposed to the silkscreened version:

second of all, anyone who preorders gets a personalized thankyou note from me
guaranteed to charm your pants off
and third of all
since i can give the silkscreeners whatever shirts i feel like giving them
preorderers can pick whatever shirt color they want
(as long as black will show up on it)
so come on guys
help me make bombness happen
go to this page and funnel money into it

Hey assholes
Blog is under maintenance right now
you may not be able to see this post for a while
in which case i guess this post is pretty pointless
anyway a post about Lancelot and the tits he fondles will go up later tonight
and everything will be PRETTY AS FUCK

SO I MADE SOME FUCKING SHIRTS
GO BUY THEM

also, seeing as there is not normally a myth today
(unless I’m doing videos
which I will do as soon as I get my throat back)
I thought you guys might like these words
written by someone who reads this shit I write
they are pretty sweet i definitely laughed
and laughing hurts right now so that’s serious business

PRETTY BIG DAY GUYS I’M GOING TO WATCH SOME PORN THEN GO TO SLEEP