Love makes you a retard

You may have heard this one

so there is this chick, right
her name is Thisbe
and there is also this dude
his name is Pyramus
this chick and this dude
they live in the same house
well actually like
two houses
with an adjoining wall
and their parents
for whatever reason
are all like nooooo you guys cannot bang ever
and pyramus and thisbe of course
take this as a challenge
and they start this love affair
through this one little crack
in one wall
in one room
of their two houses
(shakespeare calls it a chink but i think that is racist)
anyway after a while
pyramus gets tired of this shit
because i mean this is essentially the ancient equivalent
of phone sex
which is the 90s equivalent of cyber sex anyway
i wonder if they ever had telegraph sex
that would have been sick as hell
bitches gettin all tittilated in their petticoats
but yeah
pyramus is literally getting cockblocked by this wall
because the hole is apparently not big enough for his dick
which is another reason small penises are a survival trait
cause what happens next
is they arrange a place to meet
like to sneak out and meet up and do some serious bangin
so on the appointed night thisbe sneaks out
and she is so excited she shows up early
and then instead of pyramus showing up
there is a fucking LION
all like ROARRRRRRRR
and thisbe is like HOLY FUCKING SHIT JESUS
and she distracts the fierce lion by throwing her veil at it
and then runs the fuck away
and the lion kind of wanders around and drinks some water
and then casually mauls the fuck out of the veil
and gets blood all over it somehow
i guess because it already had blood on its mouth
and only THEN does pyramus show up
because i guess he was not serious about getting his dick wet
like if it had been zeus instead of pyramus
he would have arrived so on-time he arrived TWICE
and then there would have been a threesome
ANYWAY he shows up and the lion is kind of just hanging out there
i guess this is the lion’s spot
fucking retards setting up a romantic meeting in a goddamn lion’s den
and pyramus sees the veil all mauled and bloody
and comes to the obvious conclusion
and stabs himself to death
so then of course
thisbe’s lust for pyramus’s manpole
overrides her fear of lions
and she comes back
and the lion is gone now anyway
i guess it got scared away by all the emo bullshit
and all that is there is pyramus’ stabbed corpse
and so thisbe comes to the obvious conclusion
and stabs HERSELF to death
and there is this mulberry bush nearby
and their blood gets all over the fruits
and that is why they are red now
so every time you eat a mulberry
if you ever do, because i sure fucking dont
just remember that you are eating retard blood

The End

RedditStumbleUponShare

2 thoughts on “Love makes you a retard

  1. and then casually mauls the fuck out of the veil
    and gets blood all over it somehow
    i guess because it already had blood on its mouth
    The lion just ate a deer then she showed up.
    and stabs himself to death
    He actually leans his sword against a tree and rams it through his fucking heart.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>