Warning: This Myth Contains a Taxi

Hey guys guess what

some awesome masked superhero
donated ten dollars to me
TEN
AMERICAN DOLLARS
what does that mean guys?
that means that if some combination of caped internet vigilantes
gives me a total of TEN MORE DOLLARS
I will do a video myth
of the ENTIRE FUCKING ILIAD
skipping all the boring parts
guys my car is broken
yesterday I sat in my broken car
with a large bisexual man
who conducted a very personal interview
for three hours
because he said he would pay me 40 dollars
it cost me 50 dollars to get my car towed

anyway here’s a myth

so I hope you like ethiopia guys
because this is the most ETHIOPIAN GODDAMN MYTH
you have heard ALL WEEK
unless you are in the habit of seeking out and reading
very ethiopian myths
and even then
i feel like those would probably just be
exactly the same amount of ethiopian as this myth

basically there is this taxi ok
the taxi driver is giving three animals a ride
because either he is crazy and has nothing better to do
or he is an idiot who thinks animals have money
anyway the animals in his car are a donkey
a goat
and a dog

so the driver comes up to the donkey’s stop
and the donkey is like here you go sir
here is exact change
followed by a reasonable tip for your services
and the taxi driver is like I KNEW ANIMALS HAD MONEY
THEY ALL LAUGHED
BUT I KNEW
and then he speeds off

so then he comes up on the goat’s stop
and the goat does a fucking dive roll out of the car
like HAHA LOOKS LIKE NOT ALL ANIMALS HAVE MONEY ASSHOLE
SEE YOU IN HELL THUNDERTITS
and runs the fuck away

so now it’s just the dog and the taxi driver in the car
and the taxi driver goes ahead and drives the dog
all the way to his stop
and it is pretty awkward the whole way
because like
the dog’s friend just ripped the cabby off for 20 bucks or whatever
but finally they get to dog’s house
and the dog hands the cabbie a hundo
oh wow
did i just fucking say hundo
dammit now i am going to have to spend the rest of the week
going back through the events of my life
to figure out when i became someone i never wanted to be
anyway dog gives the driver a large
LARGE
bill
and is like may i have some change please sir
and the cabbie is like NUP
LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE PAYING FOR YOUR ASSHOLE FRIEND TOO
VROOM BITCH
and he takes off

so of course dog is like AW FUCK NO
and starts running after the cab
and that is how it has been ever since:

dogs run after cabs trying to get their hundos back

goats get the fuck out of dodge cause they still owe money

and donkeys do not give a fuck

so this is actually a very instructive myth
there is a lot of wisdom to be gained
depending on who you are

if you are a donkey
don’t worry about it
you’re good

if you’re a goat
what the fuck asshole
come on

if you’re a dog
try carrying exact change
and having less shitty friends
also instead of running after a fucking car
trying running after your shitty friend
even though he probably doesnt have any money
prolly spent it all on booze and goatwhores

and finally
if you are a taxi driver
which is more likely because you can read
do not give rides to animals
even if they do have money
which they shouldn’t
because they are animals
one in three of them is going to rip you off
although if one does
you can always steal the money from a dog
which shouldn’t be hard
cuz they are already running after your car

The end

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