Quick one today
because Saint Patrick’s day comes a week early in Chicago
and I’ve still got a hell of a hangover to sleep off

So some scientist is giving a lecture
there are people who like to say it was Bertrand Russel
but that’s boring
I say it was Bill Nye the Science Guy

So Bill Nye is doing a demonstration about the solar system
he’s got a golf ball that represents the earth
and it’s on a little electric train
on a little electric train track
going around a bowling ball he’s spraypainted to look like the sun
and that’s all on top of a big metal disk
attached to a robot arm
that’s twirling around a nonstop lightshow of LEDs and tissue paper
that represents the milky way
it’s dope and there are sound effects

so this lecture is finished
everyone has learned a lot and people are getting ready to go
when suddenly this old lady stands up in the back
and she’s like “YOU’RE FULL OF SHIT BILL NYE
EVERYBODY KNOWS THE EARTH IS A PLATE FULL OF WATER AND DIRT
SUPPORTED ON THE BACK OF A TURTLE
A SPAAAAACE TUUUUURTLLLEEEE”

So Bill Nye is like “what the fuck
are they just letting anyone walk into my lectures now?
ma’am with all due respect you are a big idiot
like let’s say you’re right
let’s say the world was slapped together
with all the care and attention of a first grade science fair project
the world is balanced on a turtle
but what the fuck is the turtle balanced on?
OH THAT’S RIGHT
NOTHING
WHERE’S YOUR GOD NOW?
UNDER THE TURTLE MAYBE?
*FUCK* YOU, LADY”

The lady seemingly doesn’t realized how served she just got though
she just looks him right in his piercing brown eyes
and she’s like “Another turtle
and under that turtle is another turtle
and on and on like that forever
except for on level 6 million or so
which is just a giant jar of suck my dick”
then she drops a mic nobody knew she was holding
and she out

the moral of the story is screen your lecture guests

the end