I am the guy who writes this shit
here are some facts about myself:
Favorite Drink: milk
Favorite Color: also milk
Likes: Myths, myths about myths, mythical myths, milk
Dislikes: birds. who the fuck do they think they are?
they are like pinatas but with no fucking strings
where am i supposed to hang my pinata if it doesn’t have a fucking string?
birds: nature’s answer to fun?
I am not a big fan of any animal that can shit directly into my hair
I guess most animals can do it
but usually they have to like go out of their way to do it
they just fire away
also they make sounds and bring joy to children
I am sick to death of birds
When was the last time a bird made a house for YOU?
RIDDLE ME THAT!
I DON’T EVEN HAVE A HOUSE
not to mention bird baths
HELLO BIRDS YOU DONT NEED TO TAKE BATHS YOU ARE FILTHY ANIMALS
HAVE YOU FUCKING SEEN WOODPECKERS?
TELL ME that shit isn’t sinister
i saw one of those things drill a hole in a baby’s head
lay a whole bunch of eggs in there
just like that
they’re in league with the trees
they talk to them using morse code
fucking trees man
don’t even get me STARTED on trees
they’re like the icebergs of the land
if your boat hits an iceberg
that is like part of standard operating procedure for boats
whereas if your boat hits a tree
SHIT IS THOROUGHLY OUT OF CONTROL
that makes trees like SIX THOUSAND TIMES WORSE than ice bergs
and one of those fuckers sunk the titanic
you see what I’m getting at here?
Hey, thanks for the writing, love it. If I read something of yours out in public, I’d love to know how you’d like to be credited? …I don’t mean read it for payment, just sheer entertainment value?
Just do your thing, man. Read that shit like there is no tomorrow. You can just tell people about the site, and maybe about that sweet dude named Ovid who runs the site.
you.are.so.cute. its killing me fjskla;fjsakl; oh and keep writing you’re amazing and good luck with grad school, you’ll make it through!
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He’d be pretty angry for a pothead
Honestly i think you should write about harry potter its n0t a myth but it’l be fun, if u want the original b00ks just says0.
How can I possibly follow that ^
hey has anyone ever told you
that you remind them of dave Strider from homestuck
OH MY GOSH YES that’s exactly what I thought!
seriously, I just explained this site to a friend by saying “It’s like if Dave Strider decided to pass the time on the meteor by telling the trolls as many human myths as he could.”
I am in complete agreement of this assumption, since first reading your story. Holy shitballs, uncanny as hell.
This is a compliment of course, as Dave Strider’s literary squirreling, like yours, is fresh as pesto, (the fresh kind of pesto, made by real chefs, not that older, yet still pretty tasty jarred pesto.) and twice as slick.
My doctorate is in Old Norse religion. I read your Norse creation story and your rendition of Hymiskvidha, and just about fell off my chair laughing. You’re brilliant! I am rationing further visits to this site to one a day, lest I implode and die from excessive laughter.
Ovid- you are the twenty first century love child of Joseph Campbell and everything that is right, good, and funny about the interwebs. And David Bowie, because I think you are that level of awesome.
hey man I am really laugthing my fucking ass off on this blog but I would like to know more about did Titanic got really sunk by a tree? 🙂
yes. it was tragic.
True, but not as tragic as the Hindenburg, when Otarr, the invisible (and quite lonely) Dragon, decided that after years of being bored as shit, “Fuck it, I’m lighting this bitch.” Truly a mournful day.
Awesome. Just when I thought I was going to read facts, I get stabbed in the funny bone. It happens every time I visit this gods-forsaken (Norse, Greek, Egyptian, you name it) site. They don’t want anything as funny as this, apparently. Except maybe Loki… or Hermes. Point is, you manage to be funny, even when writing about how much you hate something I love, congratulations 🙂
Birds are Dinosaurs.
Dinosaurs are awesome.
Go fuck yourself.
Gotta say, this logic right here is flawless. I think I respect you just a little bit less now, Ovid.
That’s really only one theory, based mostly on the whole hollow bones thing. It’s like saying that an elephant is the same as a wizard horse because they have the same genetic ancestry. Also most dinosaurs were big enough to lay their loads on the average human skull without any extra effort. So I guess my point is, don’t lose respect for a guy who doesn’t like your shitty relatives, especially when all you share in common is being really fragile and the ability to poop in inconvenient ways?
Dinosaurs are reptiles
Birds aren’t reptiles
Birds aren’t awesome
Hey not to be annoying, but do you have somewhere where you post the myths you retell in case we wanted to read them? By the way you’re awesome. You seriously make me laugh every time.
Oh you mean like the originals? I’m trying to get better about linking them in the posts where they’re cited, but for now that’s all there is.
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I miss the icon of the guy who will do unspeakable things for money. he was cute and seeing him cheered me up. if you don’t want to bring him back that’s fine but I miss him.
you, my friend, are fucking awesome. have you rewritten any other myths?
Dude, you seriously need some Irish myths. You are seriously missing out on them. There’s lots of crazy shit in there. Otherwise, I love your current work. It’s awesome and has made my day.
You should look up Lithuanian Pagan mythology or fairytales.
Especially the fairytales.
They’re kind of ridiculous.
Yeeeaaaaahhh… you really helped your point there.
Because we can read that.
Translate it then
Yes, I agree. Try.
I also miss the icon of the guy who will do unspeakable things for money but I really miss the good old days at the Fly where me and this tall, goofy, no shoe wearing fool played with fire and knives and took the term “bullshitting” or “shootin da shit” to a wholenother level.
and fuck birds, all high and mighty, shitting on people and flying away because they can, knowing we cant chase them. That’s why we invented guns right? thought so.
I dont know about trees though. I think they could have destroyed us all a long time ago if they wanted to or did they just keep us around to fuck with us for their own sick pleasure. I bet they get all green(with envy) when they seeing us walking around cuz we have legs that enable mobility and such Sooooooooo HAHA leafy Bitches, I guess evolution likes us better.
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Good stuff. Good stuff.
I didn’t think there was anyone in the world who hated birds more than I hate birds. I was wrong.
I’m pleased to have found your site, kindred soul.
Also? Mythology? THE BEST THING EVER!
(I suspect we might be related.)
I am an English teacher, and one of the classes I teach is World Mythology. Trying to convince college freshmen that mythology is a good idea and not just a class to sleep through blows. Could I please use a few of your re-tellings in class? I would have to edit out the shitty fucking damns. Is that okay? Of course, I would give you credit. Thanks.
You are amazing. I have begin forcefully sharing every magnificent word you write with every single human being I know.
I really wanted to read what you were saying. some of it was funny as hell, but your like of punctuation caused my eyes to bleed. I kept trying to read anyway since I could see this was good stuff, but when my hemorrhoids lead a mutiny and recruited my colon as their leader I decided I had to stop reading. Seriously, punctuation. I need commas, periods and paragraph structure. That is the only reason I stopped reading.
Funny as hell, I’m glad I heard about the blog. Keep doing what you do, you’re hilarious!
Ok, for the author:
I have read a lot of your works and I simply think they are awesome. So I’ve got an idea. I would like to make a tumblr blog in which I would translate your writings into spanish, my mother language. I will post a link in every text I translate to the original work, apart from a link in the blogs description to the home page, and you will be known inside the spanish community. So, what do you think?
I WILL MASTER.
IT’S FUCKING DONE
it looks like shit, but it’s something
I think I want to marry you. Seriously. Be in touch.
I got your book, and i go to a military academy so it really lightes the mood man! Shit is funny as hell! I had the better part of my company (61 cadets) on the ground (not exaggerating) laughing with some of the lines. The best one was the one about blowing your dick off from pure wonderment. In all seriousness though, thanks a million for writing such a funny book. Neer have i read a book where i chuckle every page.
That book being Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes. Forgot to mention that.
I’m just curious, do you have a degree in classics or folklore? (I’m pursuing a degree in classics)
I just found your site. Absolutely hilarious! I love it! I will be spending a lot of my procrastinating time on here! You are awesome!
YOU sir are my fucking favourite
Careful with just how much you Nick Cave on Buffy it up, my man. ;XD
I seriously pissed myself reading your Lokasenna.
I must say you have very interesting content here.
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Hey faggot. I read your book. Somehow you missed criticizing your own religions Islam, Judaism and Christianity. They’re the same fucking bunch of craziness.
Hey did you ever write a myth on the great gatsby?
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