Grapes: Just Not Worth It

Aw Jeez guys
I can’t believe I actually FORGOT to post a myth yesterday
that’s happened like what
FOUR TIMES EVER?
balls
oh well
Tuesday’s a shitty day anyway

WHICH REMINDS ME OF A LITTLE FABLE YOU MIGHT KNOW

so there’s this fox right
he thinks he’s hot shit
all gallivanting around town
sexin’ up hot ladyfoxes
evading rambunctious dudehounds
(not dudes who are prowling for other dudes
I mean actual hounds
who are of the male persuasion
don’t read anything into that)
basically this fox is doing everything foxes are supposed to do
WITH PANACHE
until one day
he runs up on this tree full of grapes
I was unaware grapes grew on trees
I thought they grew on vines
but whatever
I guess the vines could have climbed the tree or something
seems like a lot of work for some vines though if you ask me
all the vines I know are super lazy
not that I’m generalizing or anything
I’m sure some of you know some very clean and industrious vines
BUT LOOK ANYWAY
this super slick super sassy fox guy
is like HEY GRAPES
HOWSABOUT YOU AND ME HAVE A LITTLE RENDEZVOUS
IN MY STOMACH
wait wait I said that wrong
I do not mean to imply that I will be in my stomach to meet you
i mean that YOU will be in my stomach
and I will be on the outside
digesting you
that’s how that works, right?
yes, ok
SO THE FOX STARTS TAKING RUNNING LEAPS AT THESE GRAPES
but the grapes are WAYYYY up there
because of these supernaturally industrious vines
so he is straight olympic-class failing all over the place
faceplanting so hard he is seeding ACTUAL FACEPLANTS
and finally he stops
and he wipes the blood off his face
and he’s like fuck this
I bet those are sucky grapes anyway
I bet they suck real bad
and then he goes home and he doesn’t talk about this to anybody

so the moral of the story
is foxes shouldn’t be vegetarians

THE END.

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5 thoughts on “Grapes: Just Not Worth It

  1. I had to translate what I think is the actual myth from Latin into English once. I wish I could have turned in this for the assignment instead.

    This also brings back horrible Latin class memories, so thanks! :)

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