Today’s myth was written and sent to me over a year ago
by none other than the sexy ghost of Rapunzel
and I am posting it now because it is Christmas time
and therefore appropriate
and also since it is christmas time i am busy seeing family and getting drunk and shit
your regularly scheduled myths will return in 2013
unless i get bored of family shit and start back up sooner
ANYWAY HERE’S A STORY ABOUT A RAD DUKE:
So there’s this guy Wenceslas and he’s a duke
Duke of Bohemia out in what is now Czechoslovakia
This is pretty sweet, seeing as how he is in charge of of all the 10th century artsy people
He and all his courtiers are all sitting around on St. Stephen’s Day
All you UK folks know what that is- us Americans call it Boxing Day for some reason
Either way, it is December 26th and since no one has any presents to return, they are all chilling and enjoying all their Christmas leftovers
It is really freaking cold, and because this is 10th c Czechoslovakia there is like 15ft of snow outside
Wenceslas looks out the window and he’s like “Hey artsy courtiers, who’s that old guy in the sackcloth with the long beard scrounging for firewood? I do not remember seeing him in the pottery shed or at any of the poetry readings.”
His page is like “Oh yeah, he’s this poor old dude who lives at the foot of the mountains near St. Agnes’ fountain– hey that rhymes!”
Wenceslas is all “Spare me your rhymes! We cannot have hermits going hungry in my duchy! Fetch a lunch box! We are taking this guy some of our sweet Christmas leftovers!”
So the page gets the Tupperware and the picnic basket and he and Wenceslas go out in the 30-below weather to bring this old dude some leftovers
Now again, this is 10th c Czechoslovakia and their Bohemia hand-woven organically dyed wool cloaks are just not cutting it
The page is like “Hey um sire? I am kinda freezing back here and the temperature is dropping and it’s so windy I think I may have left my tights standing in the snow behind me…”
Wenceslas says “Tosh! Just step where I step, keep moving! That’ll warm you up. Now hush. You’re building character.”
So the page follows in King Wenceslas’ footsteps and GUESS WHAT?!
The footprints are actually HOT.
This guy is owning so much piety and righteousness that he is BURNING HIS WAY through the 15ft snowbanks!
And that is how take-out was born.