Junaid is the Carrot Top of Sages

So this dude Junaid is walking down the road
he is a Sufi mystic
which basically means he is a practitioner of a crazy souped-up version of islam
that over time became less and less like islam
and more and more like Hinduism
and then got snagged by a bunch of white dudes
(along with basically everything else)
making it sort of like the confused college freshman of religions.

Anyway Junaid is one of these Sufi bros
and because he is a pretty notorious bro
he’s got all these other guys following him
AT ALL TIMES
which honestly sounds like one really great reason not to be a mystic
but Junaid fucking loves it
because they’re all a bunch of big dumb idiots
who will listen to whatever he says
so he’s leading this swarm of noobs down the road
and he sees this dude with a cow
and he’s like “ok guys, gather around this dude and his cow”
and the dude with the cow is like “Oh hey!
Junaid!
I know you! You’re a Sufi mystic!”
and Junaid is like “Damn right man
that’s why I’m the man.
Now check it out, I’m gonna teach y’all some knowledge:
QUESTION ONE:
Who is the master in this situation
the cow or the man?”
and everyone is like “The man, obviously”
and the man is like “Damn right I am
I have this cow on a fucking rope
I would not allow a cow to put me on a rope
and even if I had some kind of weird cow fetish
that would make me want that
this cow has no thumbs, so it can’t tie shit
I only buy thumbless cows for this reason.”

So Junaid is like “Okay, okay, that makes sense
but check THIS out:”
and then he pulls out a pair of scissors and cuts the rope
and the cow immediately takes off
because it didn’t wanna be on no rope
and the dude starts chasing it
like “GOD DAMMIT COME BACK HERE YOU SHITTY AMBULATORY MEAT”
and Junaid is like “HA HA! YOU SEE?
IT IS ACTUALLY THE MAN WHO IS INTERESTED IN THE COW
AND THE COW WHO IS TRULY THE MASTER
JUST AS YOU ARE INTERESTED IN YOUR THOUGHTS
AND YOUR THOUGHTS ARE YOUR MASTER
YOU MUST BECOME UNINTERESTED IN YOUR THOUGHTS
AND JUST LET THEM WANDER AWAY
AND THAT IS HOW YOU ACHIEVE ENLIGHTENMENT”
and the dude is like “Okay dude that’s super deep
but I needed that cow and now it’s gone
what the fuck am I supposed to do?”
and Junaid is like “Psh
what do I look like?
A farmer?”

So the moral of the story
is never let sages near your livestock.

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3 thoughts on “Junaid is the Carrot Top of Sages

  1. Couldn’t he have done it with a chicken or something? Cows are pretty frickin’ expensive!

    Also, if you happen to be looking for some parental incest, I recommend the legend of Sangkuriang
    ceritarakyatnusantara.com/en/folklore/72-sangkuriang-the-legend-of-mount-tangkuban-perahu

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