The daughters of Minyas provide me with the perfect opportunity for a RECAP

Okay so guys first of all
remember a couple days ago
when i said you should look to the left
for some reason
i actually meant look to the right
i was trying to trick you
i was talking about that little link over there
that says A SMORGASBORD OF MYTHOLOGY
but it’s ok because it wasn’t ready then
and it’s still not totally ready now
but it is at least more ready
anyway go click it or something
and i will let you know when it is finished

SO
ORGIES

alright so this myth
takes place back in the days
right after bacchus was born
when a lot of people still refused to believe
that there was an actual god
of getting drunk and partying nonstop until you vomit rainbows
and so basically he had to prove he was a god
by killing a bunch of dudes and turning the rest into animals
i like to think he was not totally into this
and was just kind of like dammit guys
i just wanna have a fucking party
and if i have to kill half of you
and turn the other half into dolphins
SO HELP ME I WILL DO IT

so anyway there’s this orgy going on
where all the women everywhere
worship bacchus by ditching work and fucking each other
and sometimes rippin’ off dudes’ faces
it is kind of incredibly sweet
but there are these chicks
the daughters of Minyas
who are determined to totally buzzkill the party
they are like hey
let’s stay in our house all day
and not give our servants the day off
and just weave shit
and talk about how much better we are than the orgy people
because we worship athena
the goddess of not having fun sexy times
also weaving

so this is exactly what they do
and meanwhile
to pass the time
or maybe just to drown out the orgy sounds
they start telling stories
they tell some pretty sweet stories
like they tell the story of pyramus and thisbe
and that one about hephaestus pranking ares
and the one where the sun falls in love with some chick
and also the one about where hermaphrodites come from
and then they run out of stories or something
and bacchus is like WELL LADIES
I WAS ENJOYING YOUR STORIES
AS A BACKDROP TO ALL THIS SEX I’M HAVING
BUT IT LOOKS LIKE IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO TURN INTO BATS

so then all the chicks are not chicks
they are bats
and they go screeching all the fuck over everywhere
proving once and for all
that if anyone ever invites you to an orgy
you better ACCEPT THAT INVITATION

the end.

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