The Greeks Do Not Have a Monopoly on Bestiality

Ok so horsefucking

I promised it, and now i am delivering on that promise
i am delivering a big wet trough full of horsecock
you’re welcome

so this takes place after the Aesir and Vanir have stopped fighting
and the giants are pretty much leaving everyone alone
and everything is pretty okay
and so obviously Odin has to go and fuck it all up
by making a shitty deal with a giant
he is like hey giant
bet you can’t build a wall around my entire city
in the time it takes a woman to get preggers and pop out a baby
and the giant is like what do i get if I win
and odin is like hm shit
i’m kind of low on cash right now
how about freyja
also the sun and the moon
i don’t really need those anyway
so the giant is like sweet ok
and odin is like oh
and if you can’t finish the wall in time i get it for free
and the giant is like sure dude whatever

so a couple weeks later the giant shows up
along with a dude he brings along SPECIFICALLY for the purpose
of impregnating some chick
more or less turning her into a living hourglass
WITH BABIES INSTEAD OF SAND
and he is like ok i brought a dude
do you have any virgins he can borrow
you know
for sex
and odin is like oh yeah hold on
lemme just reach into my big sack of virgins
here’s one
go nuts
so the dude goes nuts
and the chick gets pregnant
and the next day WORK BEGINS

now Odin is pretty confident
that there is no way the giant can build a proper wall in time
like
Asgard is pretty much HUGE
I mean they had to build a six mile long feast hall
just to accommodate Thor’s LEFT NUT
so Odin just sits back and prepares to have a partially finished wall
TOTALLY FOR FREE
you don’t become a god by being bad with money guys
this is a fact

BUT OH SHIT WHAT IS THIS
the giant and his unreasonably strong horse
are putting up this wall LIKE IT IS GOING OUT OF STYLE
the chick with the baby is like
just barely starting to feel incredible discomfort
and the wall is ALMOST TOTALLY FINISHED
and Odin is like oh shit oh shit I might have to pay this giant
for all the work that he’s doing
that is UNACCEPTABLE
so he calls up loki like OH FUCK LOKI SOLVE MY PROBLEMS
and loki is like what why
and Odin is like REMEMBER HOW WE HAVE AN OATH OF KINSHIP
THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT I SAY?
and Loki is like oh yeah
i guess that’s a thing we did
why the fuck did we do that
and Odin is like DOESN’T MATTER STALL THAT GIANT

so loki is like shiiiiit
i’m a pussy
I can’t stop a giant
but WAIT!
I can conquer his horse!
WITH SEX!
so he turns into a superhot sexalicious girlhorse
with her ladyparts all distended and pungent
and the manhorse gets a whiff of that shit
and is like I AM CALLING A TIME OUT ON ALL THIS WORKING
a SEX TIMEOUT
(guys feel free to use sex timeouts in your everyday life
i know you were all struggling for some way to justify
dropping everything you are doing
and just having a bunch of sex
well NOW YOU HAVE THAT JUSTIFICATION)
so then the giant is like fuuuuuuuuuck
how am i going to finish this wall without my powerhorse
I feel like I may have been cheated by odin just now
I’m going to go yell at him

so he goes to odin’s room like ODIN WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY HORSE
and odin is like i dunno what you’re talking about
and the giant is like FUCK THIS I’M TAKING FREYJA
and Freyja is like whoa what
because apparently Odin completely forgot to tell her about this deal
and the giant is like hey everyone
tough tacos
freyja is coming with me
and Freyja is like THORRRRR
and thor magically appears like what
oh you need me to kill a giant?
yeah alright
so he kills the giant
thus once again saving Odin from the consequences of his shitty actions

meanwhile Loki is off in the forest
getting his bone on with a megahorse
and a couple months later he finally comes back to Asgard
leading the horse
and also another SMALLER HORSE
but what this horse lacks in size
it makes up for in TOO MANY LEGS
yes sir
this is
THE OCTOHORSE
(aka Sleipnir)
and Odin is like oh shit horses
give me those
and loki is like NUP
I’m totally giving ultrahorse to Freyja
and Odin is like can I at least have octohorse
and Loki is like only if i don’t have to do what you say anymore
and Odin is like fuck
FINE
and loki is like sure you can have that horse
HAHA PRANKED IT CAME OUT OF MY HORSE VAGINA
and Odin is like ew ick
i still want the horse though

so the moral of the story
is if you want to murder your workmen instead of paying them
that is okay
but only if you REALLY don’t want to pay them

the end.

RedditStumbleUponShare

8 thoughts on “The Greeks Do Not Have a Monopoly on Bestiality

  1. Stellar work, as always!

    QUESTION: is there still a way to contact you? I have a special request and a commission/thank-you-for-being-generally-awesome-gift burning a hole in my pocket.

  2. Yes, there is totally a way to contact me. You can email bettermyths[at]gmail.com

    I should actually put a contact me link on this website, huh…

    Oh, or are you talking about the donate button? I took it off because i thought it was kinda gauche but i can put it back…

  3. Hey, I was wondering, where’s your source for the whole “trading Sleipnir for not having to do what Odin says” thing? I’d like to involve it in something I’m writing but I never saw that before.

  4. Pingback: Embracing Marvel Loki, or how I stopped worrying about how to be a “tru” Lokean | Loki's Bruid

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>