Three in the Morning

Hey guys I’m back

all my myths recently have been way long
so here’s a short one

basically one day somewhere in china
there is this farmer
i dont know what his name is
that is not how Chang Tzu works ok
he doesnt waste time
telling you what peoples’ names are
actually he’s not even a farmer
he’s a monkey trainer
sorry

look
anyway
this monkey trainer goes to his monkeys
and he is like hey
monkeys
you can miraculously understand human speech right
and the monkeys are like SURE CAN
and he’s like good
ok
here’s what i’m going to do
i’m going to give you three chestnuts each in the morning
and four chestnuts each at night

and all the monkeys are like WHAAAAAAT
BULLSHIT
WE WANT FOUR CHESTNUTS IN THE MORNING

so the trainer is like sure ok
and he gives them four chestnuts in the morning
and three at night

now the moral of this story
is supposed to be
that there is nothing to be gained
from quibbling over “the way things are supposed to be”
you have got to be willing to change your plans
in order to please your herd of petulant monkeys
but really
i think the moral is something more along the lines of
what the fuck is wrong with monkeys
they are basically like
objectively worse people
what do we need monkeys for
they don’t pollinate flowers
or turn carbon dioxide into oxygen
or catch mice
they basically just throw their shit at us
and fuck each other to death in trees
and make poorly-thought-out demands of their trainers

so really the moral of the story is
why the fuck would you be a monkey trainer
don’t be a monkey trainer

The end

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