Turns out I’m a little bitch who can’t handle a 20 mile deathmarch

Hey assholes, guess what?

NO MYTH TODAY.
Turns out that the secret to eternal life is not to repeatedly punish yourself
trying to crawl your way up to the top of mount olympus
it also turns out
that once you drag your sorry carcass to the summit
YOU HAVE TO CLIMB DOWN
WHO THE FUCK INVENTED THIS
WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT
WHY ARE THERE NOT WARP GATES ON TOP OF MOUNTAINS GUYS
WE HAVE THE SCIENCE TO MAKE LASER MICE AND TINY BREAD AND SPIDER-GOAT HALFBREEDS
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MOUNTAINTOP TELEPORTER

Let me paint you a picture, ladies and gentlemen
I just staggered into my house like a zombie
a DRUNK zombie
my legs feel like arthritis
no no no
they don’t feel like they are SUFFERING from arthritis
they feel like some bastard took two identical twin octegenarians
extracted their juices
distilled them into a gooey misery syrup
then used one of those creepy crawler easy bake ovens
to make that shit into my legs

So NOW, my loyal fans
yeah i’m talking to you two
it is time for a choice of viewing on my shitty internet site
choice 1) I WILL WRITE A MYTH TOMORROW ABOUT FREYJA
BECAUSE IT IS HER DAY AND I RARELY DO THAT
2) I WILL WRITE A MYTH ABOUT HAITI
WHICH ONLY SEEMS APPROPRIATE
BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE MADE A VOODOO DOLL
OF EACH INDIVIDUAL PART OF MY BODY
AND THEN FED THEM ALL TO RAPEHUNGRY MASTIFFS.

The choice is yours!

Meanwhile if you are not sufficiently entertained
i suggest you check out Warren Ellis’s Blog
maybe you will find a picture of a severely deformed penis
i make no guarantees

UNTIL TOMORROW.

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