I am the guy who writes this shit
here are some facts about myself:
Favorite Drink: milk
Favorite Color: also milk
Likes: Myths, myths about myths, mythical myths, milk
Dislikes: birds. who the fuck do they think they are?
they are like pinatas but with no fucking strings
where am i supposed to hang my pinata if it doesn’t have a fucking string?
birds: nature’s answer to fun?
I am not a big fan of any animal that can shit directly into my hair
I guess most animals can do it
but usually they have to like go out of their way to do it
they just fire away
also they make sounds and bring joy to children
I am sick to death of birds
When was the last time a bird made a house for YOU?
RIDDLE ME THAT!
I DON’T EVEN HAVE A HOUSE
not to mention bird baths
HELLO BIRDS YOU DONT NEED TO TAKE BATHS YOU ARE FILTHY ANIMALS
HAVE YOU FUCKING SEEN WOODPECKERS?
TELL ME that shit isn’t sinister
i saw one of those things drill a hole in a baby’s head
lay a whole bunch of eggs in there
just like that
they’re in league with the trees
they talk to them using morse code
fucking trees man
don’t even get me STARTED on trees
they’re like the icebergs of the land
if your boat hits an iceberg
that is like part of standard operating procedure for boats
whereas if your boat hits a tree
SHIT IS THOROUGHLY OUT OF CONTROL
that makes trees like SIX THOUSAND TIMES WORSE than ice bergs
and one of those fuckers sunk the titanic
you see what I’m getting at here?