So Cassandra, right?

she is this chick
who is one of the daughters
of king priam of troy
you know
the city i just got finished describing the doom of
or actually i did not finish describing the doom of it
because the fucking iliad is a giant cocktease like that
but my friends
the iliad
is not the ONLY cocktease we’re going to be discussing today

so one night cassandra is out partying or something
and she ends up falling asleep in apollo’s temple
WORD TO THE WISE
DO NOT DO THIS
seriously
ever time a hot chick passes out in like
the temple of zeus
or apollo
or whatever
she wakes up with six kinds of dick jammed in her mouth

so yeah, cassandra wakes up
and apollo is there like HEY I SEE YOU HAVE TITS
HOW ABOUT SOME SEX?
he is really the suavest motherfucker
and cassandra is like ok sure
but you gotta give me the gift of prophecy
and apollo is like oh ill give you a gift alright
the gift of PROPHECY

OK NOW HOLD ON A SECOND
is there about to be some
CONSENSUAL SEX
in a GREEK MYTH?!
don’t be so hasty gentle reader
because as soon as apollo gives her the gift of prophecy
and is like alright now lift up them skirts
cassandra is like hm nope
and apollo is like come on what the fuck
i’m movin’ my dick here
and cassandra is like i can see that
but still nope

so then apollo is like HAHA YOU GOT ME
i guess we’re not gonna have sex after all
but will you at least give me a kiss
and cassandra is like sure i guess
and apollo fucking SPITS IN HER MOUTH guys
and not only that
but his spit
IS CURSED
such that cassandra still has the gift of prophecy
but no one will ever believe her ever

so she goes back to troy
and she is like guys paris is gonna fuck us over
and there is gonna be a war with the greeks
and the greeks are gonna win
and we are all gonna die
and everyone is like aww you are so cute
get the fuck back in the kitchen
and then later everyone in troy dies

so the moral of the story is
never tease a cock
because it WILL tease you back
(also never pay hookers in advance
unless you have the power to curse them with your spit)

The end.