[I don’t think I offended anyone with this, which i guess proves how chill you guys are who read my blog. Just wanna make it clear that I am not a dude who hates on the Jesus thing. I only take issue with a very specific expression of the Jesus thing. Happy April Fool’s]

Dear misguided followers of this wretched abomination in the eyes of THE LORD,

In the process of researching my upcoming tirade against the book of Revelations, I have come across incontrovertible proof that Jesus is LORD, and through him is the only way to salvation. I have accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal Savior, and I renounce and beg forgiveness for all my past sins. I have used The Lord’s name in vain more times than I can count, and worse words besides. I have made light of the word of the Lord Our God, the Holy Bible. I have treated these godless pagan religions as if they deserve as much recognition as the direct word of Our Heavenly Father. I cannot forgive myself for what I have done. But Jesus Christ, in his infinite heavenly love, has forgiven me. And he can forgive you, too. Please, I urge you all to repent now, before it’s too late. Perhaps you have seen the billboards around Los Angeles, in which case you know: Judgement day is May 21, 2011. There’s not much time left to repent. I intend to spend the coming weeks in prayer and solidarity with my fellow Christians. I suggest you do the same. I am leaving this website up as proof of the depths to which I once sank, and of the holy redemption that it is His to give. As The Bible says,

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not on thy own understanding.”
(Proverbs, 3:5)

God Bless,
Ovid Naso

And this is her announcement:

Blogger’s being screwy right now and html editing isn’t available at the moment. This happened the day I was supposed to import the design, so that’s super convenient and, frankly, fills me with unparalleled joy. I mean, yeah, I love looking like an idiot.

So we’re stuck with the default minima template until Blogger gets their act together.

Hey assholes, guess what?

NO MYTH TODAY.
Turns out that the secret to eternal life is not to repeatedly punish yourself
trying to crawl your way up to the top of mount olympus
it also turns out
that once you drag your sorry carcass to the summit
YOU HAVE TO CLIMB DOWN
WHO THE FUCK INVENTED THIS
WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT
WHY ARE THERE NOT WARP GATES ON TOP OF MOUNTAINS GUYS
WE HAVE THE SCIENCE TO MAKE LASER MICE AND TINY BREAD AND SPIDER-GOAT HALFBREEDS
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MOUNTAINTOP TELEPORTER

Let me paint you a picture, ladies and gentlemen
I just staggered into my house like a zombie
a DRUNK zombie
my legs feel like arthritis
no no no
they don’t feel like they are SUFFERING from arthritis
they feel like some bastard took two identical twin octegenarians
extracted their juices
distilled them into a gooey misery syrup
then used one of those creepy crawler easy bake ovens
to make that shit into my legs

So NOW, my loyal fans
yeah i’m talking to you two
it is time for a choice of viewing on my shitty internet site
choice 1) I WILL WRITE A MYTH TOMORROW ABOUT FREYJA
BECAUSE IT IS HER DAY AND I RARELY DO THAT
2) I WILL WRITE A MYTH ABOUT HAITI
WHICH ONLY SEEMS APPROPRIATE
BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE MADE A VOODOO DOLL
OF EACH INDIVIDUAL PART OF MY BODY
AND THEN FED THEM ALL TO RAPEHUNGRY MASTIFFS.

The choice is yours!

Meanwhile if you are not sufficiently entertained
i suggest you check out Warren Ellis’s Blog
maybe you will find a picture of a severely deformed penis
i make no guarantees

UNTIL TOMORROW.