so there’s this chicken
she’s a small chicken and animals don’t understand names
so this little chicken is named Chicken Little
great, off to a grand start
and then Chicken Little is hanging out under a tree
and an acorn falls out of the tree and hits her on the head
and instead of dying or discovering gravity
Chicken Little catapults her whole damn self into PSYCHOBILLY FREAKOUT MODE
so she’s all running around like GUYS GUYS
THE SKY IS FALLING
THE WHOLE DAMN SKY
WHATCHA GONNA DO
and her friend Henny Penny
(who, judging by her name, is tiny, brown, and worthless)
is like I’LL TELL YOU WHAT WE’RE GONNA DO
WE’RE GONNA FLIP OUT AND GO TELL THE PRESIDENT
So that is what they do
and on their way they run into their friend Ducky Lucky
“Lucky” is a kind of a misnomer
because if there was a single wishbone in this poor animal’s body
she would have had the good fortune to totally dodge Chicken Little’s nonsense train
but as it stands
Ducky Lucky stumbles right into fiasco central station
and straight ties herself to the tracks
Chicken Licken and Henny Penny are like THE SKY’S COMING OUT OF THE SKY
and Ducky Lucky is like THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR
TO THE PRESIDENT!!
Then they round up their two other friends
Goosey Loosey, the neighborhood prostitute
and the Turkey Lurkey, the rapist
and then Nostradumbass and her moron quartet
all fly screaming and flailing towards Washington DC
so they get off the airplane in Washington
and they meet this metrosexual fox by the name of Foxy Loxy
and these birds are not very self sufficient
so they decide to ask Foxy Loxy for directions
and Foxy’s all “Don’t worry guys
hop into my windowless van and I will take you right to the president”
Then he eats all the birds in his windowless van.
So the moral of the story
is don’t do a thing
just cause a fox told you to.
There’s a one-panel cartoon that shows a man lying face down on the pavement, with an evidently squashed-to-death chicken under him and a turkey and duck observing the scene. The duck is saying to the turkey, “Oh, _this guy_ is falling…y’know, I totally misheard that.”
Do you ever wonder if your entire life is a metaphor for someone else’s dinner?
“Nostradumbass and her moron quartet”
Quality, what I keep coming here for.
Spot on and hilarious as always.
If anyone wants to see the comic Red Velvet was talking about:
well for as long as that link works anyway.
“and an acorn falls out of the tree and hits her on the head
and instead of dying or discovering gravity”
that was good 😀