Loki is still a dick, but also covered in poison

Ok i’m sorry guys

one of the three of you who reads my blog on a regular basis
tells me that the story of loki being a dick to baldur
does not end just because baldur happens to be dead
it gets significantly worse
so i am going to tell you the rest of it

ok so Baldur is dead
and everyone is sad
and they set his body in fire
you know
like you do
and then his wife is so sad she dies
so they set her on fire too
and then Frigga is sad
but instead of dying
she gets the universe to agree to this stupid bargain
which is that if everybody cries about baldur he comes back to life
so he disguises himself as some giantess
(that is a female giant)
named Thok
and refuses to lament baldur
even though he could have totally just refused to lament baldur normally
without disguising himself or anything
loki just has to make shit overly complicated
that is just who he is

so anyway then baldur fails to come back to life
and the gods are like FUCK LOKI
and loki is like i dunno i thought it would be funny
and the gods are like guess what cockbark
it is not funny at all
and loki is like oh fuck better leave
so he turns into a salmon for a bit
and hides under a waterfall
but the gods find him
and they try to catch him but he jumps like a motherfucker
but it is ok because thor catches him
like just as much of a motherfucker
and then they take him
and chain him to a rock
in a cave
under a snake
which constantly drools venom all over his eyes
until the end of the fucking world
proving that no matter how crafty you are
eventually your friends will figure shit out
and douse your eyes with poison
so maybe you should be nice to your friends sometimes

the end.

5 thoughts on “Loki is still a dick, but also covered in poison

  1. Also his wife, yeah Loki has a wife (who'd marry him?) is so loyal to her jerk of husband that she constantly sits besides him and tries to catch the poison in a bowl but can't catch all of it. Then on the other hand the other Gods make it so one of Loki's sons (the normal ones) is turned into a wolf and kills the other one for punishment to Loki. So kinda makes me feel bad for him.

  2. Half the point of Loki is that he's stuck in the whole Ragnarok prophecy thing. It says, "Hey, Loki's gonna be a dick and such when ragnarok comes around. Also he'll be chained up under a poison snake." So Loki already knows that this is going to happen to him no matter what he does, so he basically just does whatever he wants cuz he's like "Welp, if I'm gonna get poison face might as well dick around with everyone else before that happens."

  3. The son that was killed by the wolf actually had his entrails used to bind Loki to the rock, interesting fact. Also his girlfriend Sigyn’s name means Victorious Girlfriend because she is a badass like that.

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