So shiva right

he’s a badass
but his main job
is to make sure kali
doesn’t get too shitfaced off all the blood she drinks
and destroy the world

like in that one story i already told you
where he lies in front of her on the battlefield
or this other time
when he turns into a baby
like WAH WAH TITS PLZ
and kali is overcome by MOTHERING INSTINCTS
but there is one particular instance
of shiva handling kali’s shit
that is particularly fantastic

ok so this story begins like all stories about kali:
kali just killed a bunch of dudes
probably demons
but really
who the fuck knows
anyway to celebrate
kali takes up residence in a nearby forest
with a bunch of her asshole friends
and starts terrorizing the countryside
stabbing the villagers
than stabbing their stab wounds
then stabbing the blood in their stab wounds
shit like that

so finally one of the villagers
who is sick of getting stabbed every day
and is also a follower of shiva
comes running up to shiva like
HEY SHIVA
CAN YOU HANDLE THIS SHIT FOR US
WE REALLY NEED THIS SHIT HANDLED OK
and shiva is like what shit
i am busy
and the dude is like KALI IS STABBING EVERYONE
SHE MIGHT DESTROY THE WORLD EVEN
WHO KNOWS
and shiva is like ok my schedule just cleared up

so shiva shows up in the forest
and kali is like HEY ASSHOLE
and shiva is like hey kali
we’ve talked about this
you need to stop stabbing all the time
and kali is like NEVER STOP STABBING
and shiva is like that is the opposite of what i said ok
and kali is like FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU
and shiva is like alright this is going nowhere
how about this
we have a dance contest
and when i utterly hand you your shit in the contest
you agree to stop stabbing for a while?
and kali is like OH BITCH YOU ARE ABOUT TO GET SERVED

so they start dancing the fuck off against each other
busting moves
infused with the dopeness
these moves they are busting
guys
they are ludicrous moves
trust me
like remember the dance contest in pulp fiction?
this was nothing like that
John Travolta is shitty at doing the twist
this is way better

but finally
shiva busts out the ULTIMATE MOVE
the TANDAVA DANCE
which is just basically a super energetic dance
kali is so tired from stabbing i guess
that she cannot match his dance moves
and she reluctantly agrees
to stop murdering for a couple days
and go home

so the moral of the story is
all wars ever can be stopped
WITH THE POWER OF DANCE

The end