Foxes are a Gargantuan Waste of Time

So there’s this woodsman

his name is Visu
he works all the time and he’s generally a pretty ok dude
but then one day this priest shows up
and he is like Visu I hear you don’t pray
and Visu is like fuck praying i do what i want
and the priest is like dude didn’t you know
if you don’t pray you’re gonna come back to life as like
cockroaches
or tapeworms
or asshair or something
and Visu is like OH SHIT
I AM OFFICIALLY DOING NOTHING BUT PRAYING FROM NOW ON
OH GODS I AM SO SORRY ABOUT NOT PRAYING BEFORE
WHEN I DIE PLEASE BRING ME BACK TO LIFE AS A SWEET DRAGON
AND/OR BODACIOUS PAIR OF TITS
so meanwhile Visu’s family is starving
seeing as Visu has abruptly stopped feeding and caring for them
and his wife is like HEY VISU
WHAT THE FUCK
and Visu is like GET OFF MY DICK WOMAN
I AM TRYING TO GET RESSURECTED AS TITS HERE DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND
FUCK THIS I’M ABANDONING YOU
so he packs up his shit and he climbs up a mountain
and he sits down at the top of the mountain like alright
time to get my pray on FOR REAL
but then holy shit what is this
there is a fox
better go chase it
so he chases the fox
LIKE AN IDIOT
and ends up in this clearing
where he sees two hot chicks playing a really boring board game
but he has nothing better to do i guess
so he sits down and watches them play
FOR 300 YEARS
but he doesn’t notice that it is 300 years
i guess because time flies when you’re an idiot
and finally after 300 years
one of the chicks makes a wrong move
and Visu is like HA HA BITCH YOU FUCKED UP
and then the chicks turn into foxes and run away
and Visu is like dammit
why are hot chicks always turning into foxes
what the fuck japan
i’m going home
and see it is at this point that he realizes that he is SUPER OLD
his joints are all worthless
he’s got a sweet beard
and his axe is fucking disintegrated
but this is not enough to convince him that something is wrong
because he then proceeds to go back home
looking for his wife
but she is DEAD
OBVIOUSLY
as are his kids
and their kids
and all that remains is this crotchety old lady
who does not give a shit about any of those people
and Visu is like WHY GODS WHY
WHY HAVE YOU PUNISHED ME
ALL I WANTED WAS TO SPEND MY NEXT LIFE AS BOOBS AND NOT COCKROACHES
I GUESS THE MORAL OF THIS STORY
IS THAT IF YOU PRAY
DON’T FORGET TO ALSO WORK

but no
fuck that
that’s not the moral of the story
because see the moral of the story
is STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM FOXES
ESPECIALLY when they are pretending to be hot chicks

the end.

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3 thoughts on “Foxes are a Gargantuan Waste of Time

  1. Whoa. This sounds just like Urashima Taro, but with foxes and board games instead of turtles and sea princesses.

    And now I want to be dragon boobs. (boob dragons?)

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