I WILL DO UNSPEAKABLE THINGS FOR MONEY

This page has gone through a lot of changes over the years.
First it was a donation page
then you could give me money to make me do videos
then you could buy my book to make me do videos
but now I have a better idea:
this is a page where I beg you to give money to my Patreon
so that this can be my job.

See, I’ve been writing myths on this here website for 5 years
and other than a couple of misguided months back when I was on Blogger
I have never served ads on this site.
I’ve sold shirts, I’ve hawked my book, and I’ve done videos for dollars
but I always try to give you something for your money.
These days, though, I haven’t been doing much of anything to capture your dollars
which means that when I ought to be writing and researching myths
I’m stuck writing power tool product descriptions instead, just to make rent.
This is unacceptable.
That’s not the kind of garbage I want to be filling the internet with.
THIS is the kind of garbage I want to be filling the internet with.

By supporting my Patreon, you will free me up to spend more time writing and researching myths.
That means more myths per week
it means more videos, and higher production values
and it means cool extras for patrons
like a swear-of-the-month club
and the ability to vote on your favorite mythoses for me to tell.
If you give me enough money, I’ll even finish telling the fucking Silmarillion
that’s how desperate I am.
So get on over to the Patreon page and give me some dollars
I don’t care how many
one, three, ten, fifty, a million
whatever, it’s all good.
What matters is that I love you
and that you give me money right now because I’m hungry.

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23 thoughts on “I WILL DO UNSPEAKABLE THINGS FOR MONEY

  1. I would like to donate for a particular myth or two, but for various super-obnoxious reasons, I refuse categorically to use PayPal. Is there a PO box I could send a check/money order too, or a street address?

    I am a respectful, violence-opposing, idealistic type of person, not someone who would ever use your personal information in any negative way, nor release it to anyone else. Plus I have a 17 year old son, a full time job, and a chronic pain/weakness-themed illness, so I wouldn’t have time or to get up to anything hokey even if I wanted to.

    And I’d prefer the myth(s) in text form instead of video. There are complicated reasons for that, so what type of donation would I be looking at?

    I can’t wait for your book to come out – I told my son I wanted it for mother’s day (if it’s out by then) and he said, “No, because *I* want it for *my birthday* the next month!” (c:

  2. I really think there needs to be a shirt to wear for those of us who are through dealing with drama-messes. A shirt that solves these complicated issues with the wisdom of Zeus.

    “FUCK THIS!
    EVERYONE IS CONSTELLATIONS NOW!”

    Pleaaaase.

  3. Speaking of the unspeakable things you’re willing to do for money, why can’t we have that icon guy on a t-shirt or rather how much would it cost to put that icon guy on a t-shirt because spoiler alert I would totally buy one. Right now. As I’m typing. If I only had the option.

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  5. BRB buying 10 books. Payday from work have never been so sweet. By the way, does it matters from where do I buy the book?

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  7. Excuse me kind sir, you need a donate button. Not like “need a button” but more like “SERIOUSLY WHERE IS THAT PUMPKIN BUTTON!!!”

    Cheers and thanks in advance.

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  11. Both me and my mom bought your book! She got the Kindle version, I got the print version from Amazon after seeing a screen shot of the chapters on Tumblr. Amaze-balls!

  12. My stars! The Patreon page itself is a place of sunshine and warmth even to those with no money to donate. What a pleasant surprise! May it endure.

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