ICE MANNNN

So there is this village right

the people in this village are dumbasses
they do not understand how to handle fire
to wit:
they have a fire
and it starts burning
and they do not stop it
so it burns a great big path
right up to a massive poplar tree
sets the tree on fire
burns it to ashes
dances on its grave
sends rude postcards to its poplar family
and then burns a hole in the ground
a huge fucking hole
how does fire even do this

anyway the hole keeps getting bigger
and the people keep trying to put it out
and failing harder and harder
until finally
one of the villagers is like I KNOW WHAT TO DO
WE’LL GET
THE ICEMANNNNN
so they go up north a bit
and they find this dude the ice man
he sounds like a superhero
and he totally is
because when they tell him their problem
what he does
is he unbraids all his hair
and then he cuts off some of it
and starts beating it furiously against his hand
the first time it hits his hand
a cold wind blows
the second time
it starts to rain
then sleet happens
and then it starts to snow hardcore
and ice man is like ok problem solved
go back to your village
i will be there in a couple days

so they go back to the village
to sit helplessly around this burning pit that used to be their lives
and sure enough
a couple days later a wind starts up
but it just makes the fire stronger
and then rain happens
but that just makes scalding steam
and then sleet occurs
and it drowns out the fire
but there is a fuckton of smoke
so then a storm starts up
and everyone hides for a bit
and when they come out in the morning
the giant lake of fire is now just a regular lake
but they say
if you hang out by that lake long enough
you can hear coal crackling at the bottom of it

the moral of the story is
fuck smokey bear
only THE ICE MAN
can prevent forest fires

the end.

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3 thoughts on “ICE MANNNN

  1. soooo I miss those greeks.
    I was thinking you should do a greek tragedy! those guys wrote some cool plays. like medea. she's one crazy ass bitch. and the trojan women is supposed to be the saddest play in the entire history of really sad plays. okay i'm done requesting.

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