Moses Apparently Has Some Things He’s Not Telling Us

Hey guys
what do you know about VOODOO?!
Nothing?
GOOD. I WILL HELP YOU TO CHANGE THAT.
STARTING
NOW.

So Moses
yes
I said Moses
calm down.
I know everybody thinks Moses is just a bible dude
but he is actually a voodoo dude, too
just, nobody likes to talk about that part
because it makes Moses kind of look like a dick.
See, what happened is that back in the day, Moses got himself initiated into Voodoo
man
let me just say that Voodoo is a super fun word to type
voodoo
voooooodoooooo
okay, moving on
So Moses is a voodoo guy.
He gets married to the daughter of this black dude named Jethro
who is the dude who taught him all the voodoo.
The name of the daughter is Sephora.
So Moses and Sephora get to bangin’
and they pop out two gorgeous babies
and in this version of the story, we are assuming Moses is white
even though I don’t really know why he would be
so these are some mixed-race babies, like the president.
Their names are “He-Who-Lives-In-A-Foreign-Country” and “Help-of-God”
Or Gershom and Eli-Ezer for short.
But Miriam and Aaron, Moses’s sister and incompetent nincompoop brother –
Oh man, nincompoop!
Another great word!
Nincompoop
voodoo
nincompoop voodoo
oooooooooooo
OKAY, ANYWAY
Miriam and Aaron are like “Okay, Moses
we don’t have any problem with black people
like
in GENERAL
but we uh
just don’t want our brother marrying one, okay?
This isn’t a race thing
it’s just a…
yeah, it’s totally a race thing.”
And moses is like “Fuck. Fine, then.”
And he divorces Sephora
who I guess goes on to start her own highly successful makeup company.
But that’s not enough of a dick move for Moses
so when he makes the first hebrew temple
he totally shits in Voodoo’s hands
by finding the exact spot that the center pole would be if it was a voodoo temple
and putting his big fat staff right there
like BAM
FUCK YOU JETHRO
FUCK YOU SEPHORA
FUCK YOU VOOOOOOOOOOOOODOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
and then Voodoo gets mad and gives Miriam leprosy
so HAH.

So the moral of the story
is don’t divorce the daughter of a dude who just taught you a system of POWERFUL MAGIC.
At least, not if you value your sister.

The end.

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10 thoughts on “Moses Apparently Has Some Things He’s Not Telling Us

  1. VOOOOOOOOODOOOOOOOOO
    You’re right, it is really fun.
    NINCOMPOOOOP
    Yep.
    VOOODOOOO NINCOMPOOOOOOP
    VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODOOOOOOOOOOO
    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

  2. What your saying makes absolutely no since at all. Fist of all moses was black not white and second of all moses did voodoo just like every other prophet before jesus whos real name was Yahushua. If moses was raised as an Egyptian and the Ancient Egyptians can from the bloodline of Ham than how could he be white. Take a close look at how the Ancient Egyptians looked. Do a search and type in the words Ramses e1b1a DNA. Both the Ancient Egyptians where mixing with Hebrew Israelites . God only disreguared them mixing with Hamites because it was leading them to worship other Gods and God is a jeolus God. Many people from the tribe of Levi where doing animal sacrifices but jesus / yahushua became the final sacrifice for his people. The 12 lost tribes of israel still live in many parts of Africa today including west africa the most and parts of the middle wast but some ones you see in the middle east has been whited out by the bloodlines of Esau = white people and ishmel. = Modern Day Arabs. You still can find some with no mix at all with just e1b1a haplogroup DNA. Ramses had both e1b1a and e1b1b DNA thus proving that not only where the Original Egyptians not white at all with Esaus y chromosome mutated DNA form of e1b1a which by the way is the oldest DNA ever in existance but the hebrew israelites all where in fact black. They even ruled all of europe for over 800 years with the black moors original Arabs = ishmel. In fact they where the first to rule Europe before the Moors. Once the Moors took control of both all of Europe and the middle east. Most of the hebrews headed to other plaxes in Africa to blend in like the hebrews always did. Jesus went to Egypt to blend in. No one could tell abraham from an Egytian = Hamite.. Once the Heeboes slaves where spotted in hamite territories in west africa. All the other nations came against them even hamites and sold them into slavery. That prophacy. Is in Douteronomy 28:68 kjv the full chapter. In fact the word Egypt means the house of bondage meaning slavery. God said he would place his people back into slavery once more but this time With Ships if they didnt follow all his commandmenbts hes given them.. Jesus only cjanged one law and that qas the sacrificial law ( voodoo )

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