GEORGE WASHINGTON IS CASH MONEY!

Hey friendsgeorge washington big
guess what?
I wrote another book.
The first one was so rad that I decided to do it again.
This one is about the mythology of the US of A
so it’s pretty much just a lot of fluff
designed to safely contain Teddy Roosevelt’s dick.
Like my other book, this one has rad pictures
drawn by the same rad human who did the first one
and it is also equally throwable
so if you threw my first book at someone
but they didn’t leave you alone
you can just buy this one and throw it too
instead of having to go pick that one up.
Seriously it will make so much more of an impression
if you sit there glaring at them
while the postman hands you the sequel to the book you threw
and then you immediately throw it.
It’s totally worth the wait.

BUY THREE OF MY BOOK FROM EACH OF THESE PLACES:
AMAZON.INTERNET
INDIEBOUND!
PENGUIN ITSELF!
(NEW) AUDIOBOOK VERSION!!!!!

Secret Tip!
If you go into an actual physical bookstore and tell them you want my book, they’ll usually order a couple extra and stock them in the store, where other cool people might buy them! It’s sort of like you bought three books but only had to pay for one!

6 thoughts on “GEORGE WASHINGTON IS CASH MONEY!

  1. Pingback: So I Wrote a New Book | Myths RETOLD

  2. This is probably one of the best books I’ve ever read. My US history teacher laughed his fucking face off at the Great Depression story.

    I have but one question: Why didn’t you write about The Great Gatsby? That book is the quintessential American novel.

    • The Great Gatsby was fucking terrible
      just like
      a bunch of assholes being assholes
      and the stupid narrator bein’ all
      oh I guess this is fine

  3. Pingback: Watergate is Absolutely Nothing Like Gamergate | Myths RETOLD

  4. I’m currently enjoying a friend’s copy of this book but I noticed an error and would be remiss if I didn’t point it out. In “The Roanoke Colonists Forget to Leave a Forwarding Address,” you mention that Sir Walter Raleigh “packs a bunch of radical dudes on a boat and ships them off to an island called Roanoke off the coast of Virginia.” Though there certainly is a Roanoke, Virginia, this is not where the story of the lost colony takes place. That happened on Roanoke Island, North Carolina. The rest is cool, though.

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