Alright so i hear it is talk like a pirate day
fuck that
i am not your fucking heartie
you wanna know why
because if you were to walk up to a pirate
like arr matey ye be bilgerattin me gangplank ahoy
you would find yourself on a one way
midnight express
to stabtown
population: your dumb ass
look guys all of this avast bullshit
is really fucking disrespectful to the pirate community
anyway what about somali pirates
i bet they dont say yarr too much do they?
well maybe they do
that’s a bad example
but how about scurvy dog
i dont think they say that very much
i dont even think they speak english very much
how does that make you feel
does it make you feel bad about yourself?
if so
i have admirably fulfilled my role
in ACT like a pirate day
which is a new holiday
scheduled for every day
of the rest of my life
now here’s a video about murder
I don’t need captain jack fuckity sparrow
telling me how to talk
and neither do you
break free motherfuckers
break free
I read The Illiad while I was bored in a strip club. It was a pretty good book to have around, because there was a lot of loud annoying pop music that made it hard to concentrate, but whenever I thought "shit I wasn't paying attention to the last two pages, what happened?" the answer was almost always "some guys died. No-one cares."