This is why I’m not friends with any ants

Okay so grasshoppers, right?

this story has one of them
also one ant
also more ants
it is called
THE STORY OF THE GRASSHOPPER AND THE ANT(s)
(haha
i almost typed “asshopper and the grant”
hehe butts)

so anyway, this grasshopper
he’s hopping the fuck out of some grass
but other than that he’s pretty much being worthless
just hangin’ around with his little grasshopper dick in his hands
doin’ nothing
and meanwhile
here comes this ant
lugging a WHOLE ENTIRE EAR OF CORN
which is a lot of corn for such a tiny ant
and the grasshopper is like hey ant
where are you going with all that corn
it looks heavy
how about instead of that you come have a party with me
we can get fucked up and watch this grass grow
I have been hopping all over it all day and let me tell you my friend
this is some primo grass we got going on
and the ant is like dude
I ain’t got time for that shit
I am hauling this corn back to antsville
where we will store it for winter
so that we can distill it into ant-ethanol
to power our ant cars
also for food
and the grasshopper is like BOOOOOOOO-RINNNNNGGGGGG
dude that is so boring
I think i just had a snoregasm
HEYOOOOO
and then he goes to the liquor store and buys like nine 4locos
and wakes up with his face halfway through a hooker and it’s winter now
and he’s like HOLY SHIT
IT’S WINTER
WHERE AM I GOING TO GET FOOD
OH I KNOW
I’LL GO ASK MY BUDDY THE ANT
but when he gets to antsville
all the ants just roll up the windows of their ant cars as they drive by
and shake their smug little ant heads
and then the grasshopper dies and trees eat his frozen corpse

So the moral of the story
is it may seem like a good idea to make industrious friends
so you can mooch off them later
but actually it is probably better to just make friends who are as lazy as you
because then when winter comes
maybe they will die first and you can eat them

THE END.

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3 thoughts on “This is why I’m not friends with any ants

  1. Pingback: Bodies are Gross | Myths RETOLD

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