Bodies are Gross

So some lady named Mandar Sharkfist accused me of not having any Aesop’s fables
And while that is a total lie
she did link me to a really good one
so that’s what I’m doing today.

So there’s this complaining sack of organs, right?
All your favorite organs are there
there’s hands and teeth and brain and belly
even your old pal scrotum
it is a party my friends let me tell you
it is a very particular kind of party
the kind of party that is called
BEING A FUNCTIONAL HUMAN BODY

but not too functional my friends
oh no no no NO
because much like our old friends the mouse the bird and the sausage
these squishy giblets are suffering from LOW JOB SATISFACTION
everyone is like what the fuck
we have to work our fingers to the bone
or our livers to the bone
or our boners to the um
and meanwhile belly gets to hang out down there
eating all the delicious food and not boning ANYTHING
THIS MUST BE STOPPED
so all these dumb fleshy problem machines decide to fix this
with the magic of collective bargaining

so first the hands stop grabbing food
which means the teeth have nothing to chew
and the scrotum just keeps right on truckin
because there is no way for a scrotum to be more of a nuisance to the body
beyond just continuing to be a functioning scrotum.
basically it all adds up to one comatose body
with an admirably supple ballsack

so yeah, everyone dies
because it turns out you need food to live
and everyone was so focused on fucking over belly
that they forgot to not be stupid
which might not have been helped by the fact that brain went on strike too
then the whole body rots away
or maybe ends up in the belly of something less dumb
and the whole time no one considered going on strike against tongue
even though it gets to taste food AND touch vaginas

so the moral of the story
is that unions are doomed.

THE END.

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2 thoughts on “Bodies are Gross

  1. Good stuff. Fables: All the crazy bullshit of your average myth, now with 100 percent more apparent moral!

    On another note, I got a lovely “Your Amazon.com order of “Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes…” has shipped!” email today, and I’m an even happier camper for it!

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