So this is the last one
happily coinciding with the day
that the echeck that fine superhero of a fan sent to me
actually cleared
also perfect timing
because tomorrow
or maybe the day after tomorrow
i am going to get in a car
and drive to Denver Colorado
and start making some serious use
of this little mobile broadband thing i bought
anyway who gives a shit
let’s hear about dead bodies

Next time i get a total of 20 bucks
I’ll probably do the Aeneid
Unless you have a better idea

Alright so i hear it is talk like a pirate day
fuck that
i am not your fucking heartie
you wanna know why
because if you were to walk up to a pirate
like arr matey ye be bilgerattin me gangplank ahoy
you would find yourself on a one way
midnight express
to stabtown
population: your dumb ass

look guys all of this avast bullshit
is really fucking disrespectful to the pirate community
anyway what about somali pirates
i bet they dont say yarr too much do they?
well maybe they do
that’s a bad example
but how about scurvy dog
i dont think they say that very much
i dont even think they speak english very much
how does that make you feel
does it make you feel bad about yourself?
if so
i have admirably fulfilled my role
in ACT like a pirate day
which is a new holiday
scheduled for every day
of the rest of my life
now here’s a video about murder

I don’t need captain jack fuckity sparrow
telling me how to talk
and neither do you
break free motherfuckers
break free

Big news guys
today the amount of imaginary money i have earned
from the google adsense bullshit monetary tomfoolery carnival
broke FORTY DOLLARS!
Only sixty more to go before I am 100 dollars richer
in REAL money
but please don’t interpret this as some kind of a missive
to CLICK MY ADS
that would be against the terms of use or something
anyway here’s a video of some guy with no shirt on

has anyone here
ever actually read the terms of use
all the way through
on anything
ever?

So alright
literally like 30 minutes after i posted that last myth
with that shameless plea for money
a kind kind soul
(whose name i will not divulge
out of courtesy
because i know all you bastards would be at his or her door
tomorrow morning
with your tin cups out)
gave me twenty american dollars
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT
I have now made enough money off this blog
to afford the little wireless device
that will give me internet wherever I go
I ordered it two minutes ago
and UPS is bringing it to the house i have broken into
and slept in for the past week and a half
so thank you, kind stranger
here is your awesome reward
or at least 1/4 of it

new city
new hat
same shirtless