Oh shit I forgot I was totally gonna thank the awesome people who made my blog better
first of there is the fucking brilliant fantastic S. MELVILLE
who made this thing and wrote this thing and this thing
and also made this whole website look amazing
and ALSO my good buddy Amauri Siegel
who just illustrated THIS MYTH (about halfway down the page)
and is illustrating MORE OF THEM RIGHT THIS FUCKING SECOND
anyway my throat works so here is me yelling
I will NEVER run out of hats.
Still missing vital parts of my throat
but Moses kindly agreed to fill in for me again
honestly i don’t think the dude has much going on right now
pretty sure I saw him holding a sign outside of Ralph’s
it said “WILL WORK MIRACLES FOR FOOD”
PS: Currently making shirt stencils in this order:
– NORSE CRISIS FLOWCHART
– DWARVES DRINKING MY BLOOD
– CROSSDRESSING
they should be ready to order in the next few days
shit guys
I kind of forgot i was getting my tonsils taken out yesterday
i can’t really do a video
so uh
I got Moses to do one for me
you may recognize him from his roles in:
The Bible
hey guys
if you are here as a result of Ryan North’s excellent internet comedy contraption
welcome
also you should scroll down past all these videos and read some text myths
like this one or this one or this one
because some of those are pretty awesome
and they are mainly what this site is made out of
and anyway this video is part 3 of an ongoing series
so you might be a little out of the loop if you just watch this one
BUT HERE IT IS ANYWAY
I think i might start wearing this hat every day.
Alright here’s some more video
now I kind of broke my usual pattern
of not editing this shit at all
because i actually kind of yelled so loud
that my mic broke towards the end
so i had to splice some shit in instead of recording a new take
BUT IF THAT BOTHERS YOU I GUESS YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF
keep the faith, my friends.
ok guys
i deleted that last post
because i don’t want any posts on my blog
that are not sweet myths
or at least myths of some kind
don’t worry, people who recommended myths in that post
i remember what you recommended
and those were some pretty badass suggestions
and i’ll totally do them
speaking of totally doing things
here is a myth about that
by the way that was the LAST PART OF THE BOOK OF GENESIS
hope you enjoyed it
now if people actually read this blog
i could take a vote on which myth you would rather hear next
beowulf or the mabinogi
but oh well.
Alright guys
this is the second to last installment
of this fucking beast
you guys should take this as an opportunity
to start suggesting what massive behemoth myth
i should retell on video
the NEXT TIME someone gives me money
also i am sorry that the videos this time are so long
i only have so many opportunities to get on the internet
so i am condensing down what would normally be probably
about double the number of posts
into five
five VALUE SIZED posts
so here is your value
I hope you enjoyed your value
hey guys
i did this myth today
from inside my car
which someone else was driving
down a dark highway somewhere in Amishtown Ohio
seriously there were horse-drawn buggies
with flashing lights on the back of them
at like 8PM
i am sorry i am not wearing a hat in this one
there is a dangly thing next to my head though so that’s something
anyway this is the video
i am glad we didn’t hit any amish people
because i hear if you hit amish people you get a curse
Here is episode 2 of god being a dick
guys have you ever gone to a contemporary art museum
expecting to see some sweet contemporary art
only to find a bunch of different canvasses nailed together
each one painted a different solid color
or like
a whole room full of white canvasses
maybe one of them says AIDS on it
but it’s hard to tell
BECAUSE IT’S WRITTEN IN WHITE
when i see things like this
it makes me want to be bill-gates rich
so i can buy out the museum
build an igloo out of this shit
and set the igloo on fire
and then sell it to another museum
for ten times what those paintings were worth
anyway here’s my masterpiece
you know why my plan works?
because FIRE increases VALUE.
Here
i took a small portion of my soul
and poured it into this youtube video
in exchange for money
as promised
i feel like a whore
the mouthwash won’t get the taste out…