Category Archives: Greek/Roman

Another Woman Apollo Failed to Bone

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So Cassandra, right?

she is this chick
who is one of the daughters
of king priam of troy
you know
the city i just got finished describing the doom of
or actually i did not finish describing the doom of it
because the fucking iliad is a giant cocktease like that
but my friends
the iliad
is not the ONLY cocktease we’re going to be discussing today

so one night cassandra is out partying or something
and she ends up falling asleep in apollo’s temple
WORD TO THE WISE
DO NOT DO THIS
seriously
ever time a hot chick passes out in like
the temple of zeus
or apollo
or whatever
she wakes up with six kinds of dick jammed in her mouth

so yeah, cassandra wakes up
and apollo is there like HEY I SEE YOU HAVE TITS
HOW ABOUT SOME SEX?
he is really the suavest motherfucker
and cassandra is like ok sure
but you gotta give me the gift of prophecy
and apollo is like oh ill give you a gift alright
the gift of PROPHECY

OK NOW HOLD ON A SECOND
is there about to be some
CONSENSUAL SEX
in a GREEK MYTH?!
don’t be so hasty gentle reader
because as soon as apollo gives her the gift of prophecy
and is like alright now lift up them skirts
cassandra is like hm nope
and apollo is like come on what the fuck
i’m movin’ my dick here
and cassandra is like i can see that
but still nope

so then apollo is like HAHA YOU GOT ME
i guess we’re not gonna have sex after all
but will you at least give me a kiss
and cassandra is like sure i guess
and apollo fucking SPITS IN HER MOUTH guys
and not only that
but his spit
IS CURSED
such that cassandra still has the gift of prophecy
but no one will ever believe her ever

so she goes back to troy
and she is like guys paris is gonna fuck us over
and there is gonna be a war with the greeks
and the greeks are gonna win
and we are all gonna die
and everyone is like aww you are so cute
get the fuck back in the kitchen
and then later everyone in troy dies

so the moral of the story is
never tease a cock
because it WILL tease you back
(also never pay hookers in advance
unless you have the power to curse them with your spit)

The end.

At least the iliad didn’t fuck your dad too OH WAIT

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2

So this is the last one
happily coinciding with the day
that the echeck that fine superhero of a fan sent to me
actually cleared
also perfect timing
because tomorrow
or maybe the day after tomorrow
i am going to get in a car
and drive to Denver Colorado
and start making some serious use
of this little mobile broadband thing i bought
anyway who gives a shit
let’s hear about dead bodies

Next time i get a total of 20 bucks
I’ll probably do the Aeneid
Unless you have a better idea

How many mothers would the iliad fuck if the iliad could fuck mothers? ANSWER: YOURS

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2

Alright so i hear it is talk like a pirate day
fuck that
i am not your fucking heartie
you wanna know why
because if you were to walk up to a pirate
like arr matey ye be bilgerattin me gangplank ahoy
you would find yourself on a one way
midnight express
to stabtown
population: your dumb ass

look guys all of this avast bullshit
is really fucking disrespectful to the pirate community
anyway what about somali pirates
i bet they dont say yarr too much do they?
well maybe they do
that’s a bad example
but how about scurvy dog
i dont think they say that very much
i dont even think they speak english very much
how does that make you feel
does it make you feel bad about yourself?
if so
i have admirably fulfilled my role
in ACT like a pirate day
which is a new holiday
scheduled for every day
of the rest of my life
now here’s a video about murder

I don’t need captain jack fuckity sparrow
telling me how to talk
and neither do you
break free motherfuckers
break free

Apollo fucks trees

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9

alright guys

just bought a copy of ovid’s metamorphoses
for fifty cents
in a curio shop
that until today
i thought was a crackhouse
so yall are gonna have to put up with some greek myths for a while

FOR EXAMPLE

there is this dude apollo right
actually he is more of a god than a dude
a god who has gotten all his cocks in a basket
(this being a phrase i just made up
meaning to become full of one’s self)
because he just killed a fucking python
the first python ever
it’s a bigger deal than it sounds actually
and to tell you about it
would require telling you a whole other myth
which is kind of like the biblical flood
but with werewolves
which i was actually gonna tell today
but then i decided fuck it
anyway if you wanna hear it you should let me know

BUT BACK TO THE MATTER AT HAND
apollo has got all his cocks in a basket right
and he does what any man in his situation would do
he starts talking shit
he is like I AM THE BEST BOWMAN EVER
NO ONE IS A BETTER BOWMAN THAN ME
and cupid hears him
and is like oh yeah?
how about me?
and apollo is like how about fuck you
and cupid is like how about i use my arrows to make your life a living hell
and apollo is like how about OH SHIT OH DAMN OH SHITDAMN
because cupid is shooting him in the face
or i guess the heart
but really i mean
cupid only has to hit him in the heart
with one of his arrows
no law that says he can’t fire a bunch of other ones
at your face
in fact sometimes i suspect that is exactly what he does
anyway apollo falls in love with the first chick he sees
this broad daphne

but cupid doesn’t stop there
no no no
he gets another arrow
a really blunt arrow
tipped with lead
and he shoots daphne with it
right between the tits
and the face
so in the collarbone i guess
but instead of breaking her collarbone
this arrow has the effect
of making her totally uninterested in boning apollo
not that daphne needed any help with this at all
because she has already pledged to be a virgin forevar
even though she has a totally rockin body

so then apollo shows up
all HEY HEY HEY DAPHNE
I AM HERE TO PERSONALLY DELIVER AN INVITATION
TO A PARTY
IN MY TOGA
IT’S GONNA BE A SMALL PARTY
REALLY MORE OF A KICKBACK
REALLY MORE LIKE JUST YOU AND ME
IN MY TOGA
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
and daphne does not say anything
because she is already running the FUCK away from there

so what is apollo supposed to do?
he starts running after her obviously
and she keeps running away
and he keeps running after her
and apollo is like WOMAN DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM
I AM APOLLO
I AM LITERALLY A GREEK GOD
I KILLED A PYTHON
IT WAS A HUGE DEAL
I CAN PLAY THE LYRE
I CAN TELL THE FUTURE
I CAN HEAL ANY WOUND
YOUR COLLARBONE LOOKS A LITTLE BRUISED LET ME CHECK IT OUT
but daphne is having none of it
she is hauling ass straight to motherfucking egypt if she has to
so she runs
and he runs
and etc
for THREE DAYS
SERIOUSLY THAT MANY DAYS
and the whole time apollo is like RIGHT behind her
like gonna getcha
gonna gonna getcha
and finally
at the end of these three days
daphne gets tired
and apollo does not
and he is like ha HA!
but the place where daphne finally gets tired
is right on the banks of this river Peneus
haha peneus
and guess what guys
that river
is daphne’s DAD
HOLY SHIT PLOT TWIST
actually not really
in the original version
you are given this information from the beginning
this is just bad storytelling on my part
but anyway daphne is like DAD
HELP
TURN ME INTO A TREE SO I DONT GET RAPED
and BAM
first laurel tree ever motherfuckers
right there
where daphne used to be
and apollo runs in
like MAN CAN I TOUCH SOME TIT BEFORE YOU TURN TO WOOD aww

but he salvages the situation
by declaring that from now on
he’s gonna wear a wreath of laurels all the time
and so is his lyre
and some other stuff of his
and some roman dudes
and all this shit
i think the words he actually uses are
“you cannot be my woman but you can be my tree”
which is just intensely creepy
but daphne seems ok with it
i guess because it is either this or rape

so ladies
the moral of the story is
fuck wasting your money on a rape whistle
get adopted by a river named Penis
problem solved

How would you feel if you came home to find that the Iliad had fucked your mother?

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4

Big news guys
today the amount of imaginary money i have earned
from the google adsense bullshit monetary tomfoolery carnival
broke FORTY DOLLARS!
Only sixty more to go before I am 100 dollars richer
in REAL money
but please don’t interpret this as some kind of a missive
to CLICK MY ADS
that would be against the terms of use or something
anyway here’s a video of some guy with no shirt on

has anyone here
ever actually read the terms of use
all the way through
on anything
ever?

What kind of Iliad is it? The MOTHERFUCKING kind. That’s what kind.

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4

So alright
literally like 30 minutes after i posted that last myth
with that shameless plea for money
a kind kind soul
(whose name i will not divulge
out of courtesy
because i know all you bastards would be at his or her door
tomorrow morning
with your tin cups out)
gave me twenty american dollars
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT
I have now made enough money off this blog
to afford the little wireless device
that will give me internet wherever I go
I ordered it two minutes ago
and UPS is bringing it to the house i have broken into
and slept in for the past week and a half
so thank you, kind stranger
here is your awesome reward
or at least 1/4 of it

new city
new hat
same shirtless

Medea Kind of Sucks Also

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5

So i hope you like tragedy

because this story right here right now
is a fucking TRAGEDY
like
if you took the last myth I told
with all the child eating and incest rape and everything
and boiled it down
to a thick syrup of misery
and then stirred it into a bowl
of MORE PURE BLACK SORROW
you would get something like this

ok
so medea right
she is this chick
who this great hero jason hooks up with
while he is looking for this golden sweater or something
i’ll prolly talk about that shit on saturday
anyway what’s important right now
is he gets it
and once he has succeeded
and medea has like
killed a dragon for him and junk
he takes here to Crete and is just like
oh by the way
i’m gonna go marry this chick Glauce
have fun raising the two kids i put in you

so medea is like what
and jason is like look bitch
this chick Glauce is a fucking PRINCESS alright
as in PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS
what the fuck are you
some kind of like
barbarian witch
robot dinosaur or some shit
look here’s what i’ll do
some day
when you stop being so pissed of at me for no reason
you can come live with my new family
and like
be my mistress
yeah
that’s what i will do
i will let you have sex with me
behind my wife’s back
someday
maybe

so medea is like well that sounds like a great ideaFUCK YOUUUUUU
and she gets so fucking pissed off
that everyone around her starts fearing for her safety
and their safety
and really the safety of pretty much everything within ten miles
so the king of Crete shows up
like hey woman
calm the fuck down
or you are getting exiled
and medea is like FUCKING MAKE ME
i mean please sir
let me stay in the city just one more day
and be crazy and junk
and the king is like i’ll think about it

and then king aegeus shows up
like HEY WOMAN WHAT IS UP
I AM HAVING TROUBLE PUTTING CHILDREN IN MY WIFE
I HEARD YOU ARE SOME KIND OF BARBARIAN WITCH ROBOT DINOSAUR
CAN YOU HELP WITH THIS
and medea is like sure i can
just help me stay in crete long enough to enact murderous revenge
on my husband and children
and aegeus is like ok no problem

so then medea makes a sweet gold robe
filled with sweet gold POISON
and she is like here children
take this to Jason’s new wife as a wedding gift
i am going to sit here and pretend like i have forgiven everyone
and the children are like ok no problem mother
we love you SO MUCH
we will do anything for you
and they bring the robe to Glauce
and Glauce is like SWEET ROBE DUDES
LEMME JUST PUT IT ON OH SHIT MY BLOOD IS ON FIRE
and then the king of crete is like SHITDAMN LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT
OH NO NOW MY BLOOD IS ALSO BLOOD THAT IS ON FIRE
so medea has effectively killed 2 birds with one stone
or 2 birds with one robe i guess
one poisoned robe
and instead of birds it is nobles
but the metaphor holds

anyway then medea is like ok
that was certainly some revenge
but it was not pointlessly tragic enough
hey loving children
get over here for a second
i am going to stab you right in your childlike innocence
also your face
and the children are like ok mother we will stand here and get stabbed
cuz we love you so much
and then medea stabs them
effectively killing 2 children
with one knife
so points for efficiency
although really the script isn’t clear
whether she uses one or two knives
so for all i know i could be giving her props for nothing

anyway then everyone is dead
or at least a lot of people
and the moral of the story is
if your husband leaves you for another woman
don’t just cut off your nose to spite your face
cut off your fucking CHILDREN

the end.

Thyestes is one Massive Asshole Parade

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ok so get ready to laugh your ass off

there is this guy Thyestes right
he has a brother named Atreus
one day they get together like hey
let’s murder out half-brother Chrysippus
in order to try and become joint kings of this kingdom we live in
OH WHOOPS IT BACKFIRED LOOKS LIKE WE’RE EXILED

so they haul ass over to mycenae
where word of their dickery has yet to spread
and the king there
eurystheus
(remember him?
he’s the guy who shoved his fist
up hercules’ ass
for like 13 years)
is like hey guys
I have to go fight all the children
of the guy who i laughingly fisted for 13 years
wanna take over the throne while i’m gone?
you guys seem trustworthy enough
and Thyestes and Atreus are like SHIT YEAH BITCHESSS
and eurystheus is like alright awesome i trust you guys totally
cya later
and then gets promptly murdered
because he is trying to one-man ALL OF HERCULES’ PISSED OFF SONS

so now atreus and Thyestes are kings of mycenae
but see
it is hard to co-rule a kingdom
alongside a dude
who you already know
has conspired to murder your half brother
in order to be king of something
so plots start getting laid down THICK
thick like ten-ply molasses
so thick
that these plots are now part of the fucking fossil record
archeologists all digging down
finding rich plot deposits
theorizing as to what flavor of raptor
could concoct such incredibly thick plots

ok so what happens
is first atreus decides he wants to get in good with artemis
for whatever reason
seriously artemis is like the worst goddess
for a dude to be friends with
because 1) dudes do not have vaginas
and therefore do not have babies
and having babies
is something artemis helps out with
and 2)
as soon as you devirginize a chick
BAM
i hope you like meat cubes
because that is going to be the new nickname for your dick
after artemis is done throwing a knife party in your pants
and inviting all the knives

but so atreus makes a poor decision
and he cements this poor decision by being like hey
artemis
gonna sacrifice all the best goats in my flock to you
here let me go get them
and he goes and counts his goats all like
1
2
HOLY SHIT THIS ONE IS MADE OF GOLD
so he runs over to his wife Aerope like WIFE
HIDE THIS GOLDEN GOAT FROM ARTEMIS
YOU KNOW
THE GODDESS I PROMISED TO SACRIFICE IT TO
I NEED THIS GOAT SO BAD
I DONT EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHY
HIDE IT PLZ
and Aerope is like no problem
i will hide it
by giving it to the guy i am cheating on you with
it is the perfect hiding place

but PLOT TWIST
turns out Aerope is cheating on Atreus
WITH THYESTES
HOLY SHIT
DID SOMEONE JUST ADD SOME CRISCO TO THIS PLOT
BECAUSE IT SURE AS SHIT STARTED THICKENING JUST NOW
and thyestes is like thanks for this goat
i am going to use it for treachery
HEY ATREUS

so atreus is like whats up bro
and thyestes is like i heard you have a gold goat
and atreus is like i dont know how you know that but yeah
and thyestes is like i have an idea
how about you decree that whoever has that goat is king
then you will be king
and atreus is like i’m already king
we are both already king
and thyestes is like what
you dont want to be DOUBLE KING?
and atreus is like hm when you put it that way
and he goes ahead and makes this retarded degree
which
even if Aerope HADN’T given away the goat
would have made HER king instead of Atreus
and then Thyestes is like PRANKED LOOKS LIKE I’M KING NOW ASSHOLE

so then Atreus is like aw man bro what the fuck
give me the throne back
and thyestes is like sure fine ok
just as soon as the SUN MOVES BACKWARDS IN THE SKY
and atreus is like hey zeus can you do that for me
and Zeus is like sure dude
done
and thyestes is like fuck
i really didn’t expect it to be that easy
welp
looks like i’m banished from ANOTHER kingdom

so then atreus is king again
and he finds out his wife has been boning thyestes
prolly because she is suddenly less sexually satisfied
and he is like DAMN YOU THYESTES
I’M GOING TO SHOW YOU THE ERROR OF YOUR WAYS
BY MURDERING AND THEN COOKING YOUR CHILDREN

so he does that
and then he is like hey thyestes no hard feelings
about the whole goat thing
here come back to mycenae
have some food with me
and thyestes is like mm this is good what is this
and Atreus is like YOUR SONS ASSHOLE
and then he brings their hands and heads out from the kitchen
and puts on some kind of fucked up puppet show
which really kind of ruins dinner for everyone
especially thyestes
cause he just ate his kids or something

so thyestes runs away screaming and crying and shit
and he doesnt know what else to do so he goes to an oracle
and the oracle is like you know what you should do
bang your daughter
and then the incest baby you have from that
will kill Atreus
and Thyestes is like DONE

so he goes over to his daughter Pelopia
like hey honey i heard you like incest
and Pelopia is like really
that’s weird because i OH SHIT I’M GETTING RAPED
and she has a baby named Aegisthus
who she can’t stand to look at
cause of the whole incest rape thing
so she sends him to go live with Atreus
who raises him real nice
until one day Thyestes shows up like hey Aegisthus
guess what I am
I am your father
NO WAIT
i am your grandfather
NO WAIT
I am your father AND your grandfather
GUESS WHAT PUSSNEXUS
I RAPED YOUR MOM

and Aegisthus is like RRRRR THIS MAKES ME SO MAD
I AM GOING TO TAKE OUT MY RAGE
ON MY LOVING ADOPTIVE FATHER
BY KILLING HIM
BECAUSE I AM A BAAAAAAD PERSONNNNNN
so he killes Atreus
making Thyestes king AGAIN

so thyestes’ first act as king
is to exile Atreus’ sons
Agamemnon and Menelaus to sparta
but it turns out
you do not want to exile your brother’s warrior sons
to a nation of perfect warriors
because then they come back
and kick the shit out of thyestes
and agamemnon becomes king
and he and menelaus get to marry these spartan chicks
Clytemnestra and Helen respectively
and then helen gets stolen
and the trojan war happens
and while agamemnon is gone
Aegisthus seduces the fuck out of clytemnestra
all like hey wanna help me murder your husband when he comes back
and clytemnestra is like sure ok
so then they do that
they murder him in his bathtub
its like hey honey im home i see you drew me a bath how nice oh shi
so then 8 years later Agamemnon’s kid Orestes shows up
kills clytemnestra AND Aegisthus
and at this point the gods are like alright guys
we get it
you like killing each other
calm the FUCK down
hey orestes
guess what
you’re forgiven
go start a fucking baseball team or something
seriously

so the moral of the story is
have you ever played soccer
or basketball
or any of those sports like that
and did your coach ever tell you
don’t stop playing until you actually hear the ref’s whistle
so yeah the moral of the story is
don’t stop murdering until you actually hear the gods get sick of it
and interfere
you don’t want to stop murdering too early
just because you think its like
wrong or something
hold out for divine interference
they say murder doesn’t stop itself
but that is in fact exactly what it does

The End

AT LAST, THE ODYSSEY IS COMPLETE AGAIN – plus shameless plug!

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3

Hey guys
i did the odyssey
on video
all of it

now i am going to ask you guys
to reach back into your collective memories
and ask yourselves

“What bizarre cosmic event
or happy coincidence
lead this shirtless guy
to record this sweet epic myth for the internets?”

well guys
the answer is simple
i did it for money

if you will recall
about a week ago
some kind soul donated
TWENTY FIVE AMERICAN DOLLARS
through that donation button
on the right side of the blog

and as very few of you probably remember
i promised
when i put that donation button there
that every time i got a total of 20 dollars donated to me
no matter how many people donated it
i was gonna do something epic as a thank you
this right here
is the kind of epic shit i am talking about

but lest you think i am some kind
of very educational whore
i need to tell you guys
what this money is going towards

see i am about to embark
on a months-long cross-country road trip
and in order to keep updating this blog
on the ambitious schedule i have been keeping
i need to buy one of those wireless broadband dealies
that let me access the internet from anywhere
for a monthly fee
and actually
it would be super sweet
if i could also buy a little solar panel
to put on top of my car
to power my laptop
because my cigarette lighter doesn’t work
plus ultimately I would like to get a website
somewhere other than blogspot
and make it nice
settle down, you know?
but look
anyway
the point is

if everybody who follows this blog
just gave me a dollar
I would be contractually obligated
to retell the iliad on video
skipping all the boring parts
plus it would probably cover a couple months
of on-the-road internet shenanigans
and then I’d be just ten more dollars away
from having to retell selections from Ovid’s
EROTIC POEMS
on video
and so on
you get where i am going with this

alternately
you could all just blackmail google
into paying me the 45 dollars they owe me

anyway here’s the thrilling conclusion of
THE ODYSSEY

PS: Here’s a fun game you can play
go back through all 7 episodes
and try and figure out when i am wearing pants
and when i am not

Odyssey. Also, remember when Google used to be a great company?

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4

Hey guys
this just in
google is a piece of shit
an unrepentant piece of shit
so i’m sure you’ve heard about google and verizon’s plan to skullfuck net neutrality
and you’ve already heard me talk about how google adsense
is the shittiest way to make money
ON THE WHOLE INTERNET
but it turns out
it is also the shittiest way to advertise
IN THE ENTIRE GODDAMN UNIVERSE

for example
last week
i did a google search for a weatherproof bag
with straps to let me attach it to the roof of my car
since then
EVERY SINGLE TIME I VISIT THIS WEBSITE
I HAVE SEEN THE SAME FUCKING AD
FOR HARD-BODIED CAR ROOF STORAGE CONTAINERS
HEY GOOGLE
GUESS WHAT
NOT ONLY IS THAT SUPER CREEPY
BUT I BOUGHT WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR WHEN I FUCKING SEARCHED FOR IT
A WEEK AGO
I DO NOT NEED TO HEAR ABOUT IT NOW
ESPECIALLY SINCE I WAS SEARCHING FOR A SOFT-BODIED BAG
NOT ONE OF THESE ROBOT TURD LOOKING MOTHERFUCKERS
IF YOU ARE GOING TO ANNOY THE FUCK OUT OF ME
AT LEAST ANNOY ME ACCURATELY

so anyway
given that i know firsthand
how utterly worthless their entire system is
this happens:

so today i get home and i get my mail
and i find that I have a letter from google
or rather
ADSENSE PUBLISHER has a letter from google
guys
i gave you my fucking name when i signed up
did you lose it
anyway my first reaction is to go SWEET BEANS
GOOGLE HAD A CHANGE OF HEART AND SENT ME REAL CASH MONEY
INSTEAD OF HOARDING IT IN THEIR FUCKING MONEYPIT
FOREVER AND EVER
WHILE PRETENDING THAT PAYDAY IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER

so i rip open the envelope
and my jaw drops open
because i see the number 100
followed by a dollar sign
but then my jaw abruptly shoots closed
because the number
is attached to a fucking GIFT CARD
which may be used
to purchase GOOGLE ADSENSE ADS
finally i can claim the coveted ad space on the right side of a google search page that no one ever looks at or clicks on
i read the attached form letter
to learn that google is rewarding my loyal patronage
with this unbelievably FREE ADVERTISING CREDIT
so i think well shit
this is pretty worthless
but it’s free
might as well use it
so i go upstairs and i sign onto their internet bullshit machine
and i go through the process of making an account
giving them my address AGAIN
designing an ad
and i get to the part about how much i am willing to pay per click
and i notice
that while it is possible for me to specify a maximum payout PER DAY
i cannot specify a maximum TOTAL payout
and that in order to activate my ads
i need to give google my credit card info
so that they can start charging me real dollars as soon as their fake ones run out
and then i scroll down the page
to the very bottom
and i see the following
extremely upsetting words:
Note that you’ll be charged a $5.00 activation fee with your first payment.

GOOGLE
HEY
I HAVE A QUESTION:
HOW IS IT COST EFFECTIVE FOR ME TO SEND YOU FIVE DOLLARS
WHEN IT IS NOT COST EFFECTIVE FOR YOU TO SEND ME MY FORTY FIVE DOLLARS
and yet still i wondered how google could afford
to give me a hundred dollar gift card to their ad service
how the fuck do they make a profit?
is it possible that NO ONE is making money off of google ads?
that it is some kind of pit of sarlaag
digesting your money for thousands of years
never coughing up dividends?

well the answer is no
the money google gave me was imaginary money
it is money google will put into the accounts of publishers like me
penny by penny
and never actually have to pay to anyone
because of the ludicrous minimum payment standard
and all of the REAL money advertisers are paying?
30 cents per click or whatever?
well it goes into the accounts of publishers too
but google
being the magnanimous caretaker it is
holds onto it for us
until it is a large enough sum
for them to cancel our accounts for click fraud
and keep it forever

so i guess what I’m saying
is don’t promote your website on google ads
it is basically like pissing into your own mouth

but I am going to keep running google ads on my site
until they cancel my account or I get a check
no matter how hopeless it seems
because some day
in some far off future full of flying cars
and deadly laser pistols
and bipedal cows
google will finally be forced
to pay me a hundred dollars

oh by the way I made a video

keep clicking those links, ladies